excuse me sir! excuse me! do you like comedy? ok, good. well, i don't have any cheap tickets to a stand-up comedy act for you, but i do have a lil' comedic recommendation for yo ass. check this out: remember how you used to go out on fridays & hang out with other humans? yeah, well...scrap that. from now until the last friday in march, you should probably stay in on fridays...strictly for comedic reasons.
here's why: every friday since the 21st of january, the independent film channel (IFC) has been airing their two brand-spankin' new comedy series--the onion news network (ONN) & portlandia. portlandia's season was only six episodes long & episode #6 aired last friday, but the ONN has four episodes left in its ten-episode season & this week, IFC will re-air the first episode of portlandia alongside the next episode of the ONN. i can only assume they'll continue pairing reruns of portlandia with new episodes of the ONN for at least the next four weeks, when the ONN season comes to an end.
so yeah, from 10-11pm, you should just grab yourself a beer or a glass of wine or a root beer float or your favorite bong or...y'know, whatever & park yourself in front of a cable-ready TV & tune into IFC for those two shows. so far, they've aired 264 minutes of comedy between the two & by my calculations, i chuckled or guffawed or smiled a combined 132 times. that's EXACTLY once every two minutes. creepy, huh? i'd have to say that 88 of the times that i outwardly approved of the comedy, it was because of the ONN. portlandia's funny, but it's often hit or miss. still, they're both worth devoting a half hour to.
the onion news network airs first & it's absolutely hilarious. i wouldn't have expected anything less, as the folks at the onion have been churning out consistently humorous fake news for more than twenty years now in their newspaper & online. after they started airing fake TV news clips on their website, it was only a matter of time until they brought that shizz to TV. the show stars suzanne sena as brooke alvarez, a chillingly realistic news anchor who hosts a show in a realm called "the factzone." so far this season, my highlight has been their continuing coverage of the exploits of CT senator dave tillis, the nation's first openly drunk senator. there have been a bunch of stories of that caliber, including ones about the "snowlocaust" & an al qaeda cyber-attack via an image of a cute little pig in boots that goes viral. what makes it work so well is that the show's replication of cable news programs is spot on.
portlandia stars snl's fred armisen & former sleater kinney guitarist carrie brownstein in a series of sketches about portland, OR. the pilot opens with a sketch that breaks into a song about how "the dream of the 90's is alive in portland"...
...meaning that in portland, you can work at a coffee shop & work on your art & everything's all good. that basically sets the tone for the show, which features all sorts of CAH-RAY-ZEE portland types doing weird things. there a sketch about an adult hide & seek league. there are multiple sketches in a feminist bookstore. there are two different sketches where the mayor of portland, played by kyle maclachlan, asks fred & carrie to write a theme song for portland & help organize a baseball team. throughout, the show takes the portland stereotypes & elevates them to a ridiculous level. sometimes it's stupid but sometimes it's funny & either way, it makes me want to move to portland. i guess there are a lot of things that make me want to do that though.
so yeah...why bother going out on friday nights any more when there's hilarity at home? in fact, when you're done watching IFC for an hour, you can flip over to hbo at midnight & watch funny or die presents (which i've already raved about) & the ricky gervais show, which is equally as awesome. that's TWO WHOLE HOURS of friday comedy. socializing with & enjoying the company of other humans totally isn't equal to that.
snack: john's of brooklyn onions
drink: rogue dead guy ale
two fridays ago, since i'm the master of themes, i assembled a brilliantly-conceived snack-drink pairing whilst viewing my comedy pictures. for my snack, i actually ate a bunch of onions...john's of brooklyn onions. i just grabbed a fork & scooped 'em straight from the jar to my mouth. in the interest of full disclosure, i have this landlord, an authentic, straight-talking, never-left-brooklyn guy. way back in the day, probably before a lot of you shmucks were even born (1970), his dad moved here from italy & got himself a hot dog cart & along the way, he came up with a secret formula for onions to top the dogs with...the john's of brooklyn onions. my landlord's been raving about how good they are for a while & just recently, they started jarring them & making them available for sale online. he gave me a jar to try out, telling me that "they're so good you can just eat them straight from the jar."
i tried them on a few burgers at first & they worked well in that capacity but on this particular night, i chose to verify his claim & consume them solo. i have to hand it to him...he wasn't bullshitting me. they're onions, so they taste like onions but they're flavored with a slightly-sweet, peppered orange-red sauce. the consistency is soft but they still have a bite to them, which is cool. nobody likes mushy, slimy onions. now i'm not advocating eating onions straight from the jar, because afterwards no lady in her right mind would've made out with me, but they're definitely tasty. are they the "world's greatest onions," as the front of the jar promises? i don't know. it's a hell of a big planet & there are a lot of onions out there. i am planning on asking my landlord for another jar though...& maybe for a reduction on my rent while i'm at it...y'know, for writing this blog entry.
for my drink, i washed down the onions with a bottle of rogue dead guy ale, a beer brewed a few hours south of portland, in newport, OR. all together, rogue brews a few dozen beers but for me, their dead guy ale was the first of their beers that i tried. from what i can tell, it's one of their most-widely distributed beers, as i've drank it in a number of states. it's enjoyed some success in its time, as from 2005-2007 it won the silver medal at the world beer championships. it never took home the gold though, essentially making it the erika zuchold of beers.
i can see why it only takes home silver medals. while it's a good beer, the flavor's nothing outstanding. it's brewed in the style of a german maibock (a paler spring version of a bock), so it's got the slightly-stronger, hoppier flavor of a bock but it pours a light orange color. the flavor's got hints of fruitiness & hints of sweetness to it, which i suppose is a good thing. it's also made with something called "pacman yeast," which i know nothing about other than that it has a cool-sounding name. all told, it's a beer that i'd get in six-pack form, but it's not something i'd hunt out, especially given all the other quality beers that rogue brews. still, if you see it when you're out & about, you should definitely consider giving a six-pack of dead guys some love.