nosh nook #126 - monday, september 7, 2009

amateur stylist turns fast food into fancy food (link)
09.06.09 - the detroit free press - by michael hill, a.p.

man, the internet is pretty much the sweetest way to get attention these days. i'm not just talking about porn, although that's a pretty substantial way to get noticed, make some money, get a reliable coke hookup & meet interesting people who will have sex with you. i'm talking about getting your kid all drugged up, videotaping him & putting it on youtube. i'm talking about putting your band's new emo rocker up on myspace. i'm talking about coming up with some random niche idea, starting a crazy website about it & watching the press roll in.

back in may, brooklyn's erik trinidad started up a crazy site, fancyfastfood.com, which is devoted to reworking fast food items into fancy looking dishes. ever since posting his first creation--the mcsteak & potatoes (a reworking of a big mac value meal)--he's got a TON of attention from news outlets & blogs. yesterday, the detroit free press (freep!) decided to give him more attention by picking up an associated press article from a few weeks back. i guess he deserves the attention. the site's unique & pretty well done. i'm just sick of hearing about it.

trinidad's "a freelance interactive designer and writer with no formal culinary training." besides his work with the mcdonalds' big mac, he's made masterpieces out of meals from popeye's (spicy chicken sushi), taco bell (tacobellini), domino's (dao mi noh chow mein), dunkin' donuts (boston kreme brulee) & nathan's (faux foie gras). he posts a new creation about once a week, but he's always "wracking his brain for new dishes." now that he's got attention, a twitter account & a facebook page, "the pressure's on." luckily, there's enough crappy fast food in this world to keep him busy for decades.

the musical fruit: movement #10.

the musical fruit: movement #10.
song: "funny the way it is," dave matthews band
fruit: forelle pear



i don't mean to turn this column into a constant trip down memory lane, but here goes. i used to really like the dave matthews band. i saw them in concert a couple times around the first album & definitely had the exclusive recently ep you could only get via mail-order. it was during college, which is pretty much the only time i find it acceptable for anyone to listen to dave matthews & it was a time when i was playing a lot more guitar. my buddy tom & i had a band called "secret ninja." we had an album's worth of originals in our repertoire, but we definitely tried to learn a lot of the songs from under the table & dreaming and crash as well. a good portion of the time, my fingers were too small/inexperienced for the funky dave matthews chord structures that gave their songs their texture. anyway, good times but i haven't listened to the dmb in a decade.

now they have a new song--"funny the way it is," the first single off of their upcoming album big whiskey and the groogrux king. stupidest. name. ever. it's ten times worse than return to cookie mountain. i learned of it because tom mentioned a "new dave matthews band song" on his facebook wall. first i learn about michael jackson's death from my facebook wall & now i learn about this. who says facebook is a useless, mindless time suck? not me. the song's typical dmb. by that i mean that the opening lyrics are "lying in the park on a beautiful day, sunshine in the grass and the children play. siren’s passing, fire engine red, someone’s house is burning down on a day like this?" it goes on like that, with such groanworthy lyrics as "funny the way it is, if you think about it. one kid walks 10 miles to school, another’s dropping out." deep, dave. deep. it's like "ironic," but not as funny. the music's inoffensive enough, but i can't get past wanting to punch dave matthew's lyrics in the jeans.

last night whilst taking my trip to the dmb, i had myself a forelle pear, imported from dave matthew's homeland of south africa. this particular one was grown by capespan, a global fruit company that's located just a few miles east of parow, a northern cape town suburb. that's my last name! it's like i'm eating my neighbor! capespan grows a ton (bunch?) of fruits--citrus fruits, apricots, plums, avocados. junk like that. two of their avocado types are the "pinkerton" & the "ryan." that's my high school & roommate! so yeah, i really feel like i can identify with capespan.

the picture above is actually of a forelle pear i got earlier this month. by the time i finally got around to eating it, it was mealy & disgusting, but i liked the photo, so it stuck. last night's pear was significantly less orange & less mealy...tinier than your average pear but more enjoyable. i enjoy eating fruit with the skin on it if at all possible & the forelle passed the "skin on" challenge. the inside had a somewhat crisp feel & a taste that i can only describe as "peary but better." it wasn't the del monte's fruit cocktail pear of my childhood but a real, sweet but unsyruped pear. funny the way it is...it went down better than the new dave matthews band song did.

nosh nook #125 - friday, september 4, 2009

an off-putting brew with extra hops (link)
09.03.09 - the new zealand herald - from ap

every once in while, you unexpectedly come across nature in your food. you're happily chomping away at your salad & upon lifting up a piece of lettuce, discover there's some sort of african worm hiding under there. or...you get your greasy ass chinese food home, sit down in front of the tv & dig on in. half way through you notice what is most likely a millipede cooked into your wonton. you're pretty sure it's a millipede, but you can't find the other half. "excuse me waiter. there's a fly in my soup. what's he doing there?" waiter leans in to examine. "i believe he's doing the backstroke." etc etc. there was that dude a few months back who swore he found a snake head in his jersey t.g.i. friday's broccoli. luckily, i've never had anything more than a fly in a dish.

it happened to a dude in florida & since it's one of those "tales from the wacky," the new zealand herald picked it up. an off-putting brew with extra hops! ha! as the story goes, back in late july florida resident fred dinegri was out grilling & grabbed himself a pepsi. when he cracked the can open & took a swig, he got a secret prize inside all cracker jack style, but in a freaky way. at first he thought it was a rodent but after further examination, determined that it was a frog/toad...& not the cool kind you kiss to become a princess. oh man. i'd be HOPPING mad if that ever happened to me. 

pepsi spokesman jeff dahncke calls bullshit. he was quoted as saying that "the speed of production lines and rigorous quality control made it impossible for a frog or toad to get into a can." "denegri said he was certain the animal was in the can before he opened it." the FDA says it's the real thing. who do you believe? a corporation or a citizen & the government? maybe that frog was really fast! i looked at the picture (NSFW) & whatever it is, it's nasty. if it is a frog, it is a former frog.

nosh nook #124 - thursday, september 3, 2009

why disney's delicious snack cakes don't threaten marvel's golden eggs (link)
09.02.09 - npr - by glen weldon

ooh! snack cakes as a analogy! that's so cool! i mean, it's no onomatopoeia or metaphor or anything, but is there anything snack cakes can't do? i mean, i knew that they could pop a wheelie & that they can quote every line from the big lebowski & that they're really good at playing one of those guitars with two necks, but their versatility just astounds me sometimes.

way to go glen wolden. you're a funny guy. disney as tastykakes & marvel as the eggs that go into those tastykakes. it's clever. here's the "the tastykake analogy" in a nutshell. "think of disney as tastykake, the venerable philadelphia-based makers of snack foods." "marvel? is an egg farm." disney's doing fine for themselves with the muppet & pixar egg farms, but it can't hurt to have the marvel one too. they need tons of eggs to make their "fluffy sweet rich chocolatey packets o'deliciousness." they know marvel makes good eggs, so as long as they get their eggs & can keep churning out tastykakes, there's no reason for them to get involved with the egg business.

...or something like that. glen, i really hope that you're right. i really hope that "it's not about the comics." that allows those worried about disney negatively affecting the quality of marvel's comics to sleep better. i agree that disney won't likely mess with marvel much, but i don't know current marvel stuff enough to know if they did anyhow. what i'm worried about is the fact that disney bought such a huge company & that makes them even bigger. they were already the largest media/entertainment company in the world, with $62 billion in assets as of last year. now they're even bigger. market competition's the thing to look at here. tastykakes are fine & all, but i like to be able to eat little debbies every once in a while too.

#123 - breaking news!

breaking news! california's on fire again! over 100K acres! it happens every year like clockwork. nature shows its destructive side or some jackass starts a fire & next thing you know, the california hills are ablaze & firefighters & helicopters are all over the place & people end up losing their houses. that has to suck, especially since if you're living in the hills, you probably have a sweet ass house, the kind that hurts extra bad when it burns up. the entourage house from the first couple seasons is totally on fire! that actually started in the kitchen, but there are probably some sweet houses getting torched right now. breaking hearts!

breaking news! disney bought marvel! i know, right? i'm not even a comic book fanatic & i know that's a big deal. the most powerful, happy, family friendly entertainment company on the planet is now in charge of a roster that includes more brooding characters than a paramore show. it only cost disney $4 billion, but it's money well spent. think of the possibilities! just as they did with beauty & the beast, the little mermaid, mary poppins, they could take spiderman & put him in a broadway musical, providing another cheesy outlet for tourists. oh wait. they're already doing that...with u2. maybe a thor musical with music by led zeppelin then? breaking boundaries!

breaking news! millions of people cried "hot yahoo! my mail is down!" on tuesday afternoon when gmail stopped working for them for almost two hours. whatever, right? if your friend doesn't get back to you about plans for friday, it's all good. you wait. here's why it was so awful: apparently some businesses depend on gmail as their primary source of email. seems like sort of a cheap way to run a business. i mean, even i have a dedicated email address for this stupid blog. it's sad but true & so it affected their workflow or something. breaking bad!

i have to level with you. technically, none of that stuff is breaking news any more. cali's been on fire for a week now & the disney/marvel thing happened on monday. the gmail breaking catastrophe isn't even breaking news any more since i decided to pass out last night before finishing writing this.

breaking news! shawn watched mad men & played games on his ipod for way too long & watched the season finale of f/x's rescue me & consumed a goat's worth of goat cheese (it's back in the house today) & fell asleep around 2am listening to the sounds of talk of the nation's neal conan. it was a segment called "a day in the life of a forest firefighter." i'll probably have to listen to it again to make sure i caught the whole thing. surprisingly, there was more talk of fire on npr than the rescue me finale. thanks for those dreams about pretty much everything bursting into flames, mr conan.

#123 - breaking news!
snack: lärabar cinnamon roll bar
drink: joe tea half & half



...earlier yesterday, whilst still at work, i had deemed it "snack time." my office sharing co-worker was working from home after going to the doctor earlier in the day for what started as insect bites but what we're now pretty confident is a colony of spider babies lodged inside his arm. we've convinced him as such. with the office to myself, i had to make things interesting. along with "snack time," i also had "spreadsheet hell hour," "guns n roses rock block" & a "system reboot anger management challenge." the official snack time snack was a lärabar cinnamon roll bar. can i get an umlaut up in this piece? lärabar's got an umlaut & that shizz is over the "a," which is hip. they also have a blog, which is hip & useful. for instance, emma, yesterday's fan of the day...i don't mean to objectify her, but she's pretty durn pretty & hopefully old enough for me saying that to not be creepy. i find that useful.

this lärabar shit's good...or at least the cinnamon roll one is. it's a solid but chewy bar & somehow through only using dates, walnuts, almonds, raisins, cashews & cinnamon, they've created a seriously flavorful snack bar. unfortunately, i ate the whole thing in under a minute, so i'm not exactly able to comment on particular flavor nuances, but i have faith in your imagination skills. pretty much everyone can eat this thing. it's vegan. it's raw. it's kosher. it's gluten, dairy & soy free. it's like the u.n. of snack bars & according to the packaging, they're "the original fruit & nut bar," so i guess that also makes them the elder statesman of fruit & nut bars.

since i'm just a regular ol joe, i chose a joe tea half & half to wash down my tasty bar. joe tea's just a regular ol tea company out of regular ol upper montclair, nj. they're apparently "the original off road tea." it's a title that's not as cool as "original fruit & nut bar," but does ensure a higher probability of a 4x4 ride. i'm a fan of the labeling. the photo above only gives you half of the half & half picture. on the back of the label there's an almost identical image with the lemonade section on the top & lemon tea section on the bottom. it's a nice simple design with a classy use of a red pickup truck.

joe makes a good tea/lemonade hybrid. two for two for snack time!...& all natural! one of my major beefs with the varied lemonade/tea hybrids (snapple & arnold palmer, i'm looking in your direction) is too much emphasis on the lemonade side. it gets all sour & occasionally pulpy & i don't stand for that crap. joe apparently can't either, so his half & half is balanced nicely & with the cane sugar is sweet but not disgustingly so. well done joe bro.

breaking news! blog insider exclusive! i bought those sunglasses you see in the forefront of the above photo for $12 well over a year ago. about a week after getting them, one of the nosepieces broke & fell off. for some reason, i haven't replaced them. that's just the sort of guy i am...slow on the breaking.