snack away! #12 - obama drama.

snack away! #12 - obama drama.
guest blogger: jason rodriguez, washington, d.c.

snacks:
- eye of round & brisket pho (pho 75)
- half-smoke & chili fries (ben's chili bowl)
- burger & cajun fries (five guys)
- medium-rare burger, topped with applewood bacon, cognac mushrooms, roasted garlic, bleu cheese & heck sauce with cheesy tater tots on the side (ray's hell burger)
- pizza with white garlic sauce, spinach, ricotta, fontina & mozzarella (the italian store)
- birthday cake made with devil’s food, orange flavoring, raspberry icing & smothered in chocolate truffle (heidelberg)
- chorizo corn dog (eat bar)
- roast beef & brie wrap with a side of tabasco onion rings (lost dog cafe)

drinks:
- diet grape soda (ray's hell burger)
- malbec (eat bar)
- dead guy ale (lost dog cafe)

when my wife called last week to tell me that the presidential entourage was staging a block from our apartment my first response was, "please don’t tell me he’s eating at pho 75. i don’t want to imagine my life without some eye-of-round and brisket pho." my response would have been different five months ago. i would have dropped whatever i was doing and headed home as fast as possible for a mere glimpse of the man who’s nothing short of a hero to me. but that was when obama’s movements about the district were exciting and didn’t necessarily infer that one of my favorite eateries was about to be bogged down by a weird brand of people who chose their restaurants based solely on whether or not the president decided to stop there for a power lunch.

mr. president – i can forgive you for ben’s chili bowl. Honestly, i never really had any right to eat there in the first place. i’m not going to lie – i never ate there pre-U street "renaissance" (re: gentrification). in the interest of full disclosure, i didn’t even know about ben’s chili bowl until several years after my move to DC. like all DC-area transients from a decade ago, i was told to avoid U street and i did, without question. whenever i go to the chili bowl i feel like a treasure hunter that’s going into some pyramid, stealing a golden cat, and kicking a mummy for good measure. so it makes no sense to look at all of the new customers there and say that they’re ruining the chili bowl. i was part of the original movement to ruin the chili bowl when i went in there for a half-smoke and chili fries several years ago.

and, mr. president, i have no problem with you eating at five guys burgers and fries. there are plenty of them around and i tend to eat at the georgetown or courthouse location and not at the downtown one you and biden ate at. i haven’t seen a mad flux of people at my usual five guys and i can still get in and out, burger and cajun fries in hand, in 5 to 10 minutes.

but, mr. president, why did you need to eat at ray’s hell burger? how did you even know about ray’s hell burger? it’s tucked away in a strip mall that’s tucked away between the courthouse and rosslyn metro stations – it’s in no-man’s land, mr. president. the establishment doesn’t even have a sign in front of it. i talk to long-time DC (and arlington) residents and tell them about ray’s hell burger and they usually respond, "what’s that?" and the thing is – despite its relative obscurity – there were still considerable lines, occasionally out the door, during weekends and weeknights.

and then you ate there.

i tried to get a burger there several weeks ago. it was at around 7:30pm on a sunday and i was expecting a slight line. i was going to get it medium-rare, topped with applewood bacon, cognac mushrooms, roasted garlic, bleu cheese, and heck sauce. i was particularly hungry, so i was probably going to get some cheesy tater tots on the side. wash it all down with a diet grape soda. it would have been heaven, mr. president. the line, however, was out the door and down the block. i walked to the end of it only to hear some woman saying, "i’m sure they have veggie burgers." she was sure ray’s hell burger would have veggie burgers. ray’s - a place that’s basically a counter, a meat grinder and a grill. a guy wearing a butcher’s apron is pushing sides of beef into the grinder while you’re ordering. pre-obama, ray’s would have never attracted the kind of person who was sure they’d have veggie burgers. it might sound ridiculous, but the very fact that that woman was one of the thirty-or-so people in front of me in line made me kind of sick. i haven’t made my way back to ray’s since.

mr. president – let’s not lose site of one thing. you are awesome. there’s really no other way to put it. i think your decisions since entering office have been mostly rock solid and even if they all end up killing us somehow, at least i can say you’re working you ass off. and i can understand how being awesome means that you’d eat at places like ben’s and five guys and ray’s. but, please, in the future – if you have the hankering for some pizza with white garlic sauce, spinach, ricotta, fontina, and mozzarella – send an aide to the italian store instead of showing up with your crew. if you want to get sasha and malia a birthday cake made with devil’s food, orange flavoring, raspberry icing, and smothered in chocolate truffle call heidelberg and see if they’ll deliver to the white house. and if you think a date night consisting of a fantastic malbec paired with a chorizo corn dog would be the way to go, consider cooking it yourself before going to eat bar – michelle would appreciate the sentiment and it would save the taxpayer some money while you’re at it.

that’s all i’m saying. it’s great to have a president that appreciates the district and likes to explore some of our quirkier little eateries. but i swear to god, if three months from now i walk over to lost dog cafe to get myself a roast beef and brie wrap with a side of tabasco onion rings and a pint of dead guy ale and there’s a two-hour wait to be seated, i will vote for crist in 2012. at least he’ll be too busy hitting the tanning salons to eat out all the time.

jason rodriguez lives in arlington, va with his coincidentally newlywed wife robin, two dogs, four cats, and a quaker parrot that he hates with a passion. his 2007 graphic novel postcards: true stories that never happened is all acclaimed & whatnot.

nosh nook #78 - wednesday, july 1, 2009

critics cringe at ad for burger king's latest sandwich (link)
06.30.09 - fox news - by joshua rhett miller

over the past decade, burger king's really been vying for our attention by putting their all into creating some of the wildest & craziest fast food marketing campaigns around. a few years back, they launched the subservient chicken website, which totally went viral. they created a campaign on facebook that rewarded people with a whopper if they removed ten friends from their friend list. late last year, they released a body spray that smelled like meat. now, as part of a limited time promotion in singapore for the "bk super seven incher," they've released an ad that's topped them all in terms of its shock value.

...& if you're fox news, burger king has gone too far. the ad "shows the 'mind-blowing' sandwich near the open mouth of a wide-eyed, red-lipsticked woman accompanied by the suggestive tagline: 'it'll blow your mind away.'" as always, when fox news thinks that somebody's gone too far, they've launched what's obviously a "fair & balanced" investigation into the matter & gone to "advertising experts" to get their "fair & balanced" opinions. who are these advertising experts? blogger & ad copywriter mark duffy, scott purvis of the marketing & advertising firm gallup & robinson and mark crispin miller, an nyu professor of media studies. they were all totally shocked & appalled.

their complaints? duffy said it's "among the "worst" he's ever seen in more than 17 years" and noted that since the woman's face in the ad & the sandwich appear retouched, "they obviously didn’t hire a top-notch food photographer." purvis felt that it went too far & is "the kind of ad you might see for a smaller brand trying to get itself noticed." mark crispin miller was quoted as saying that "this is objectionable because it's outrageously exaggerating the pleasure of burger king. it's not that good, even as food, and therefore nowhere near as gratifying as an orgasm. there's no doubt they intended a double entrendre (sp)."  really? burger king's not as good as an orgasm? there's no doubt that they intended a double entendre? i can see why he's a professor...the dude's obviously a genius.

i'm not saying that objectifying women in a fast food ad is a good thing, but it isn't really any different than many other ads out there.  it's just being more blatant in its sexual connotations. plus, as a burger king spokeswoman said in the article, "this print ad is running to support a limited time promotion in the singapore market and is not running in the u.s. or any other markets. the campaign is supported by the franchisee in singapore." it's a limited time promotion in singapore, people. get over it.  that is, unless fox news has already got you all riled up about it, in which case you should probably turn off fox news, get off your couch, scribble up a sign & go to your local burger king to demand that they pull the ad...& since it's not running anywhere in the u.s., a swift victory will be yours.

nosh nook #77 - tuesday, june 30, 2009

selling “junkless junk food” to the masses (link)
06.29.09 - the ny times - by stuart elliott

if you're a snack manufacturer & you're looking to succeed these days, the best way to do so is to put out healthy snacks, since the tide's clearly turned & folks are all up in arms about junk food. hell, you can't even get a super-sized meal at mcdonalds any more. one company who's trying to take advantage of this desire for healthy snacks is popchips, who i wrote about back in april. their chips aren't like any other chip on the market. they're not fried. they're not baked. they're friggin popped...& that equals healthiness, folks.

as stuart elliott reports for the ny times' media & advertising section, popchips has developed a $1.3 million dollar ad campaign designed to let consumers know that they have the healthy snack folks have been looking for. the campaign consists of "extensive outdoor advertising; a web site along with presences on facebook, twitter and youtube; an e-mail newsletter; ads on the video screens in taxi cabs; a sampling program with its own “mobile snack tour,” with a goal of giving away 500,000 bags of popchips; public relations by formula PR in new york; and an outreach to trend-setters that seeks to generate positive buzz." um, popchips? hello? i have a snack blog, am following you on twitter & am totally a trend-setter. hook me up. i'll "positive buzz" the hell out of your chips.

as a snacker, popchips CEO keith belling believes that "snacking is not a serious thing" & wants to "bring the fun back to snacking," so for the campaign, they reached out to san fran's pereira & o'dell, who have also developed a purple shoe for yahoo & a legos campaign entitled "go miniman go," or as it reads in the website's url--"go mini mango." mmm. mini mangos. with popchips, since pereira & o'dell are clearly advertising geniuses, they've developed slogans like "sandwich. meet your new b.f.f." & "snack. smile. repeat."  clever.  p.j. pereira, CEO of the company, is quoted as saying that the campaign "is meant to signal that popchips 'is a simple revolution in the chips world.'" like i said before...that revolution starts with me.  hook me up, popchips.  i have a lot of free time on my hands. don't make me stalk your popchips mobile truck when it comes to town.

nosh nook #76 - monday, june 29, 2009

'bliss' foods devised to create snack junkies (link)
06.29.09 - the australian - by jonathan leake

are you a junkie? do you run out to the corner at every opportunity & grab yourself some smack? how about some snack? if you're like me and millions of americans, you're a total junkie, always fiending for some snack. who says we're junkies? former FDA chairman david kessler, the guy who got standardized nutrition facts on labels & took on big tobacco, that's who...& he said it in an actual book (the end of overeating) from an actual publisher (rodale), so you know it's true.

last night, i came across an article about kessler's book in today's edition of the australian, since australia's from the future & all. in it, there's an article about the findings in kessler's book, findings that say that "manufacturers have discovered optimum levels of fat, sugar and salt that make [foods] highly addictive." heinz & starbucks are just two of the companies "seeking to trigger a 'bliss point'" in eaters, a point where more neurons fire in the brain & the eaters become snack junkies.

not having read kessler's book, here's my judgment (of the snap variety) about his findings: he says "it is time to stop blaming individuals for being overweight or obese." um, no it's not. even if manufacturers have some devious plan to create foods that turn people into snack junkies, just like with any junkie, individuals aren't entirely blameless. we get addicted to shit, but last i checked, we humans have free will & aren't entirely puppets.

having read this article by the australian, here's my judgment (of the non-snap variety) about it: um, this book came out two months ago. peeps have already covered it. i guess you just got the press release the other day or something & figured, "you know what? junk food hatred is a hot topic down under these days. let's let jonathan run with it." your article might be from the future & the book might be from the past, but your topic is SO NOW!

#106 - ready for my closeup.

back in the mid-nineties, i spent four years of my life & $100K in pursuit of a coveted boston university film degree. as previously noted, other than writing a handful of unproduced feature-length scripts in the late nineties, i've put the film portion of that degree to little use. the only time it led to the creation of an actual film was in 2003, when i documented a cross-country trip a friend & i took to yellowstone for a week of backcountry hiking & camping.

about two-and-a-half years ago, almost ten years after graduating, i found myself on a film set for the first time. i had moved back to nyc a few months earlier & was living the totally glamorous, totally bohemian no-apartment, no-job lifestyle & as such, had a lot of free time on my hands. a friend who i'd met through my girlfriend at the time was acting as producer on a short film & they needed somebody to drive one of the vans that transported the crew from union sq down to one of the sets, a school in new brunswick, nj. other than missing the holland tunnel one night & having to drive through an extra 30-45 minutes of traffic to the lincoln tunnel, i did a fairly good job. in fact, nobody died on my watch.

since my main job was basically two hours of driving to the set & two hours driving from the set with a full day of waiting on the set sandwiched in between, i finished a hell of a lot of crosswords but also provided random assistance here & there. i helped carry in gear, hung a few signs around the building to direct cast members to the appropriate rooms & given my food expertise, was obviously a part of setting up craft services/catering. in addition, since i still get carded for cigarettes & lottery tickets & whatnot and the plot revolved around a high school teacher & a few of her students, i filled in as an extra, playing the part of a high school student. basically, along with a number of extras who were actually high school students, i was tasked with hanging out in the background & reacting to stuff.

my big break came during a scene where the teacher (played by leslie lyles, who also played andy kaufman's mother in man on the moon) was selling fundraiser candy to another teacher (played by eric christie). they conversed for a bit over the candy transaction & then he stepped away & i stepped forward & uttered my one line--"hershey bar, please." this past wednesday, the film--LANDLOCKED--had its first set of screenings & my one line made the cut & was right up there on the screen for all to see. i might be slightly biased, but i really believed that i wanted that hershey bar...& i'm now four degrees away from kevin bacon. leslie lyles was in man on the moon with jim carrey, who was in the truman show with laura linney, who was in mystic river with kevin bacon.

#106 - ready for my closeup.
snack: hershey's mini milk chocolate bars
drink: heineken from a mini keg



along with the screenings, there was a reception that featured an array of tasty wines & beers & cheeses & whatnot. there was even a cake shaped like the state of oklahoma (where the film is set). since the plot largely revolved around the teacher trying to raise money for a class trip by selling candy, there were mini candies sprinkled throughout the reception area. given my on-screen preference, i made sure to make quick work of a few hershey's mini milk chocolate bars during the reception.

recently, i've become somewhat of a chocolate snob, opting for dark chocolate most of the time. regardless, there's always something satisfyingly comforting about hershey's bars. they take me back to my childhood, a time when the parow clan filed into a rented minivan & took a summertime excursion down to hershey park, the most chocolate-themed amusement park on earth. unfortunately, that memory doesn't consist of any actual events from that trip, although i assume that some chocolate was consumed at some point & we probably went on some rides & i probably punched my sister and/or brother at least once.

as part of the reception spread, there was a mini keg of heineken. since i was feeling celebratory & i'm a total lush, i had myself a few classy plastic cups of that along with the chocolate bars. even though it's the world's most popular lager, the best part about the heineken is definitely not its bitter ass taste. it's the adventure that accompanies pouring it from that cute lil keg into a small plastic cup, a task that i discovered is not as easy as it appears to be.

the mini keg is dutch engineering at its finest. for starters, the "tap" extends out from the top of the keg at a 90-degree angle, which, if you're not careful, leads to the beer shooting out of the keg, clear past your waiting plastic cup. luckily, the fancy spread included napkins, which i put to good use. on top of that, the mini keg produces a lot of foam, a development which is fine when it involves tasty beer, but not when it involves heineken. if i have to wait five minutes for my beer, it damn well better be a guinness or a boddingtons or some such draught beer. sure i could be a total heathen & like my friend who i was getting my beer with, swirl a finger covered in nose grease into the foam to speed up the process, but i'd much rather not. it might be fine for her, since she's not a film star like me, but i now have a reputation to uphold & a film star would never do such a thing.  that's not to say that i didn't stick my finger in the foam...i just didn't cover it with nose grease before doing so.