did you know that ten out of ten doctors say that network television programming will rot your brain? it's true! if you watch one too many episodes of so you think you can dance, desperate housewives, bob's burgers & we fixed your house unfortunate individual all in the same week, the organic matter that is your brain will LITERALLY begin to decompose & ooze out of our your cranial orifices like chicken juice escaping from the bottom of a non-HEFTY garbage bag, rendering you a nasty individual. your friends will begin asking questions, leading with "what the hell's leaking out of your ear?" & all you'll be able to do is mumble incoherently because of your rapid, tv-induced brain decomposition.

that's why i take cablenol...