#154 - lowdown dirty jokes.

over the past few months, i've been checking out all of hbo's new comedies & recently, i finally got around to watching the first seven episodes of funny or die presents, a series which is an extension of the usually-hilarious funny or die website. like the site, it's made up of comedy sketches that are played off as low-budget & often feature celebrities. since it's on hbo, the sketches on the tv show are much dirtier, with tons of hilarious swearing, nudity & violence. unfortunately, the show airs fridays at midnight, so there's little-to-no chance that i'll ever view it at its scheduled airtime. whatevs though...that's what on demand's for.

the show's structured in the vain of sctv, with the fictional FOD (funny or die) network airing oft-recurring programming. steve tom plays ed haligan, head of west coast sales & marketing, a guy who hosts the show from a studio filled with 70's era computers & machines & hot secretaries sitting at desks working on whatever hot secretaries work on. as for the FOD programming, it consists of shows like:

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snackdown! - 4.9.10

it's time to play ball bitchez! this week, the baseball season officially kicked off with sunday night's game between the ny yankees & my beloved boston red sox. with a new baseball season comes the usual 1,001 stories about all the new & diverse food options now available in & around the ballparks, from food & drink at jerry remy's new sports bar & grill in boston to tony o's cuban sandwich at minnesota's new target field. a bar & grill endorsed by a beloved sportscaster & a cuban sandwich endorsed by a former star outfielder? you can't beat that with a bat! let's get to the snackdown!

• about a year back, frito-lay announced that they were going to start selling their sun chips in compostable packaging. this year, they're continuing their eco-friendly efforts as they've made a licensing deal with ecoist, a company that "upcycles" waste into "stylish, high quality, and limited collection handbags." through the agreement, ecoist will be upcycling frito-lay waste into items like "purses, clutches and place mats." they also offer a potato chip bowl that's "hand-woven from 260 'upcycled' lays potato chip bags," the perfect gift for someone who thinks that it's a good idea to spend $40 on a potato chip bowl just because it's made from upcycled materials. (la times)


• if there's one thing that the hemingway name is known for, it's bliss. with that in mind, mariel hemingway, who's best known for her role in woody allen's 1979 film manhattan, has recently come out with blisscuits, a snack she developed in her kitchen & describes as a "healthy 'health' bar." as of right now, they're only available in nyc (at gourmet garage) & in seattle (at tully's coffee), but the blisscuit website promises that that'll change soon, "because of its wonderful taste, incredible food value, and support of healthy living, while being actively promoted by mariel’s involvement and reputation." bonus! if you're a fan of hers, she'll be visiting five different tully's coffee locales today & tomorrow. feel the bliss, people. (seattle post-intelligencer)


• you might think that germans feast on nothing but schnitzel & bratwurst, but that's not the case. according to abc news and a 2008 poll by german men's health magazine, doner kebab, a "grilled meat snack that comes wrapped in a pita bread with shredded lettuce, tomatoes, onions and different dressings" has become germany's favorite fast food item. the snack, which was "originally made of lamb and sold only on a plate," came to germany forty years ago along with a large influx of turkish folks. since its arrival, it's gone through some changes, as doner kebab vendors have added pita bread & dressing to the mix. mcdonald's germany hasn't tried to capitalize on its popularity yet, but based on the recent addition of nyc-themed cupcakes to their menu, i have trouble believing that a mcdoner kebab's not in the works. (abc news)


• it's a sad time for pickle businesses here in nyc. a century ago, the lower east side was home to a thriving pickle industry, with "as many as 150 other pickle places in existence," but these days, there's little left of that industry. sure there's still the annual pickle festival, but last august, guss' pickles (a l.e.s. fixture for 85 years) had to close down their manhattan location & move to brooklyn. all that remains now is the pickle guys. i guess folks just don't have the same enthusiasm for soured, phallic-shaped vegetables that they used to. (straits times)


• while pickles are hurting in nyc, nationwide, hummus is on the rise. as fox news reports, hummus has been a dietary mainstay in the middle east for centuries, but here in the u.s., it's only recently become popular. according to information resources inc (some market research company). back in 2006 it was only in 12% of households, but by last year, it was in 17% of them. in the last twenty-one months, u.s. hummus consumption has increased by 35%. gitti crowley, the VP of marketing for tribe hummus "attributes its growth to america's embrace of ethnic foods in general." i attribute it to bruno's attempt to jumpstart the israeli-palestinian peace process. (fox news)

snackdown! - 4.2.10

after a few weeks off, this week the snackdown! returns & since it's CHOCOLATE WEEK here on eat!drink!snack!, that means that it's time for a very special treat--an ALL-CHOCOLATE SNACKDOWN! you might be thinking "is there really that much chocolate news out there?" yes, my friend. yes there is...especially since we're smack-dab in the middle of easter week, one of the happiest times of the year for the multi-billion dollar a year chocolate industry. let's get to it...the ALL-CHOCOLATE SNACKDOWN!

• scientific fact: chocolate is totally sexy. because of the pleasure derived from eating it, people often think of it as an aphrodisiac. personally, i've never included chocolate as part of sex, but that doesn't mean i haven't considered it. now babeland, a female-friendly sex shop with locations in nyc & seattle, has come up with the perfect way to derive sexual pleasure from chocolate--the vibrating chocolate bunny, a vibrator that also doubles as a chocolate treat. while it may sound slightly unsanitary, the chocolate's wrapped in gold foil, so you basically do your business, unwrap the foil & have yourself a tasty treat. once you've used it though, i'm not sure you'll give a shit about the chocolate inside. (ny press)


• in south africa last saturday, celebrities & underprivileged kids got together for the unveiling of the world's largest chocolate bunny. for a week leading up to the event, four sculptors took three tons of chocolate & carved it into a 12.5 foot tall bunny that was eventually verified as the new record holder for "world's largest chocolate structure." once it was verified, the kids got to go to town on it but unfortunately, for some of those kids, that chocolate bunny might be the only thing they got to eat all day long. at least they got to eat chocolate. (cnn)


• this weekend in queensland, australia they're celebrating this weekend's bunny & jesus-themed holiday with an easter fashion show. for the event, designer richard de chazal has created the tastiest dress ever--one made entirely of chocolate, with a skirt "adorned with ferrero rocher chocolates." de chazal, who made the dress out of 44 pounds of chocolate, called it "one of his most challenging projects." luckily, based on many models' nonexistent eating habits, it's in no danger of being eaten before it hits the runway. (herald sun)


• if we learned anything from last year's breakout comedy hit the hangover, it's that out in vegas, pretty much anything goes. it's a place where the impossible becomes possible & in that spirit, caesar's palace has installed a three-acre swimming pool entirely filled with chocolate. the pool, which is fed by a 30-foot tall waterfall, is apparently "the first swimming pool comprised entirely of chocolate." it sounds like a neat idea, but i'm not sure how practical it is. it's one thing to be swimming & get water in your eyes, but it's a whole other thing when you get chocolate in your eyes. that can't be fun. (lasvegasvegas.com)


• for those who practice judaism, passover began on wednesday with the passover seder, a traditional ritual feast that marks the beginning of the holiday. not all seders are traditional though. these days, hundreds of synagogues across the country hold chocolate seders, rituals that don't replace the actual seder but do make it more fun for the young folk. how? instead of bitter herbs & an egg, the chocolate seder offers foodstuffs such as "chocolate-enrobed green apples" & cadbury mini eggs. i'd take those over bitter herbs & an egg any day of the week. (san jose mercury news)

#153 - panda vs rabbit.

back in the spring of 04, animal planet launched a brilliant show called animal face-off where they took data from two different animals & then used science & 'puters to pit those two animals against each other in an epic, CGI battle to the death. we're talking thrilling matchups like "hippo vs bull shark" & "anaconda vs jaguar." although it was a hilariously awesome concept, it only lasted for twelve episodes before going off the air, leaving us with all sorts of unimagined possibilities for animal warfare.

today, i'm going to rekindle the spirit of animal face-off by recreating one such unimagined battle--giant panda vs rabbit! since the giant panda's way bigger, we're going to even things out a bit & pit him against fifty-or-so rabbits. i'm pretty sure they hunt in packs like that anyhow, so it makes perfect sense. let's get to the ring & take a look at our mighty mammalian competitors!

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only in ny #2: van leeuwen

snack: giandujia chocolate ice cream
drink: hot chocolate

as a child, i loved ice cream. i grew up in a household where we sat down to dinner almost every night & at the end, if we'd finished everything on our plate, we'd get dessert. 90% of the time, that dessert was ice cream. even nowadays, when i go back home to visit, there are two or three cartons of ice cream in the fridge & my parents still have a bowl of ice cream after almost every dinner. personally, i haven't kept the same enthusiasm for ice cream & lately, i've only had it a couple times a year tops. it's a great treat & all, but it's cold & at some point in adulthood, i chose to embrace my lifelong hatred of the cold & i guess ice cream sort of got pushed to the side.

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