nosh nook #7 - tuesday, march 24, 2009

pot noodle brings out doner kebab flavour (link)
03.23.09 - the daily telegraph - by harry wallop

british people eat some weird ass, exotic-sounding snacks & desserts. blood pudding? spotted dick? pot noodle? while the third one actually sounds rather tempting, it's actually just the name of a company that makes the british equivalent of ramen--a cheap, quick, salty snack for the lazy or broke.

now there's another crazy addition to the british food fold--doner kebab flavoured pot noodle. as harry wallop mentions, with this new creation, pot noodle has created a dish that combines the awesomeness of cheap, salty noodles with the flavour of "a late-night trip to the kebab shop." i can pretty much guarantee that you won't find lamb-kebab flavored anything in the u.s., but apparently lamb-kebab is much more prevalent in the u.k. anyway, the reviews in the article aren't very positive, so if you're in the u.k., eat at your own risk.

in the article, a representative for pot noodles describes their new creation as "the ultimate man food snack." if by that, he means that men are too lazy to cook anything substantial & would instead rather consume heated up noodles & dried meat pieces over an actual kebab, then they've accomplished their goal. crazy brits.

nosh nook #6 - monday, march 23, 2009

what next for the beloved, beleaguered peanut? (link)
03.22.09 - houston chronicle - by ted anthony (a.p.)

man, people have been friggin' freaking out over the peanut recall for a good while now. my mom's allergic to peanuts & i know salmonella's some pretty serious stuff when it's all up in yo belly, but does it really deserve this much of a panic? the legumes are out to get us! i'm not usually one to say "trust the government," but this time, all you've got to do is pay attention to the f.d.a.'s recall list. something's on there, don't put it in your mouth. something isn't on there, go ahead & eat it. you probably won't get salmonella. i mean, the folks at the f.d.a. even took time to make a peanut recall widget! i tested it out & learned that there is actually a candy called "bear poop." it's on the recall list.

because everyone's freaking out, the industry's suffering & is forced to work extra hard to convince people to chill the f out. as ap writer ted anthony notes in his article, earlier this month was "peanut farmer appreciation day" at a nascar event in atlanta (where half the u.s. peanut crop comes from). at the event, they handed out 64,000 bags of peanuts. he goes on to talk about the uphill battle the peanut industry has had to fight, even before the recall. it's ridiculous how people freak out over the peanut. as an example, the seattle mariners declared a "peanut-free baseball-watching zone" at two of their home games. i'm pretty sure that qualifies as overkill.

i've seen that same sort of "peanut farmer appreciation day" spin on the new york subways. the peanut council is a regular advertiser on the trains, but there's a new series of ads up in the cars, reminding you that peanuts are actually good for you in a lot of ways. i bet the ad sales dude who has the peanut council account was ready to pop cristal within minutes of the first panicked cnn announcement of the peanut recall. lucky stiff. as anthony hints at in his article about the beleaguered peanut, unfortunately for ad sales dude (& luckily for the peanut industry), america has a short attention span & will eventually chill out about peanuts & move onto something else to panic about. i vote for snuggies...before it's too late.

#75 - girlfriend!

you ladies drive me absolutely crazy! and it's not always in an entirely awesome fine young cannibals way! i thought i knew what was going on with you but it turns out i'm still clueless, an amateur at reading you, often tentative about approaching you. don't even get me started, girlfriend!

as far as relationships go, i've barreled my way through a series of long-term relationships, one after the other, pretty much straight through since junior year of high school (barring the post-relationship periods). i've definitely earned the title of "serial monogamist." this, of course, doesn't include my first two+ years of college, the period of my life where i was most successful in getting my swerve on.

my first long-term relationship was in high school, when i was in a dysfunctional relationship with an insane girl that my friends lovingly referred to as "afro bitch." after the early college swerve-on period, late college brought a relationship with a redheaded girl from the midwest with the last name jones. i even moved down to florida & lived with her for a brief period. in sin! sin! then i moved back to boston & dated another redheaded girl from the midwest with the last name jones.

after that, it was off to brooklyn, where i knew absolutely nobody & as such, decided to test the waters of the craigslist dating scene circa 2001. it worked out pretty well for a while, as i ended up in a relationship with a cool girl i met through a craigslist ad that offered "bonus points for modest mouse fans." that was followed by a long relationship with a jersey girl who i met in nyc the exact same week i moved from nyc back to boston. after a few months, i moved back to nyc, but i'm a heathen (among other things), so that didn't work out...& that takes us to my current single state.

oh! guess what i just figured out?! if you take the "r" out of "girlfriend," you get "girlfiend." i'm just saying is all. oh. wait. that also applies to "boyfriend." never mind.

so yeah, i thought all that long-term relationship experience would be helpful in figuring out you ladies, but nope, i still have trouble reading you...plus, it's sort of killed my game. i'm working on that though.

#75 - girlfriend!
snack: zapp's spicy cajun crawtators potato chips
drink: presidente pilsner

last night, while i reminisced about all the girls i've loved before, i fed from a bag of zapp's spicy cajun crawtators potato chips. these chips, made by a company out of louisiana, are their top sellers & are infused with the "taste of a cajun boiled seafood feast." i've never been to such an event myself, but i assume it involves a copious amount of spicy & tasty bottom-feeders, crazy cajun accents & a crowd of people with spicy fish breath.

the crawtators are a well-put together potato chip. they're not very greasy & have a nice, solid, kettle-cooked feel to them. also, they have a slight, fishy taste to them that blends in well with all the cajun spices. oh! and also, according to their website, oprah has recommended them on her show, so i'm hoping that when she is crowned as our new overlord/ruler/demigod, our common enjoyment of these chips will spare me her wrath.

you ladies drive me to drink! well, not really, but it works well with the theme, so i had myself a cold 22 oz presidente pilsner to complement the spiciness of both the crawtators & my wistful memories.

back in college, during the period that will from this point forward be known as the "swerve-on days," i had a roommate from hong kong who drank nothing but presidente & carlsberg until he got a 0.0 GPA & flunked out & was replaced with some french dude. as one born in n.h., i was astounded by his crazy foreign beers. now, i think of presidente as a pretty meh beer. i don't care how many dj tiesto-involved concerts they put on. it's still going to be a bland, uneventful beer...nothing like you ladies though...you ladies are spicy!

#74 - 1974.

so i was born in the lord's year 1974 at beth israel hospital in boston, mass to a 22-year old dude from chelsea, mass and a 21-year old girl from westboro, mass. until my sister was born two years later, i can only assume that i got ALL THE ATTENTION, since i'm super cute & totally lovable. people love blonds, especially when they're in baby form.

since i was born on nov 17, the conception date was likely some time right around valentine's day 1974. happy valentine's day mom & dad! also, since i was born on that date in november, i am obviously the reincarnation of the late erskine hamilton childers, the fourth president of ireland, who died of a heart attack on that same day.

it was a year marked most profoundly by nixon's resignation but also by a number of significant events all around the country, many of which were not my birth...

1. in queens, ny, the ramones formed & soon after they became regulars at cbgb. punk was formed & thousands of degenerates learned how to count to one, two, three four! the talking heads formed the same year in nyc, eventually playing their first gig the following year, opening for the ramones.

2. in atlanta, hank aaron broke babe ruth's home run record. he did so after enduring months of death threats & racist remarks from people unhappy with the idea of a black man breaking the sacred home record, which, at the time, was held by a fat white man known for his chris-farleyesque lifestyle.

3. on a related note, out of hollywood, mel brooks' blazing saddles came out & ended the year as the 2nd-highest grossing movie.

4. in cleveland, the indians held 10¢ beer night at a game with the texas rangers despite the fact that the rangers had held a cheap beer night the previous week in texas & the game featured a bench-clearing brawl & rangers fans throwing beer on the indians' players. when the teams met in cleveland a week later for 10¢ beer night, the game featured a woman flashing her breasts in the on-deck circle, a father & son mooning team in the outfield & a host of fans running onto the field. eventually, after one incident with a fan, both teams & hordes of fans spilled onto the field & a full-scale riot ensued.

5. in berkeley, ca, patty hearst, grandaughter of newspaper tycoon william randolph hearst, was kidnapped by the symbionese liberation army, an urban guerilla group. over time, she joined the group & participated in an armed bank robbery with them (for which she later served a two-year sentence), wielding a semi-automatic rifle and calling herself 'tania.' years later she played a small role in john waters' cecil b demented, a film about a group of "kamikaze filmmakers" who kidnap an actress who eventually joins her kidnappers' cause.

6. in san diego, newscaster christine chubbuck killed herself on air with a .38 after battling with depression. weeks before the incident, she had got approval for a story on suicide & as part of her research, was told by a local policeman that the most effective method was with a .38 to the back of the head. a few days prior to her on-air death, she had an argument with the news director after the station's owner had cut one of her stories in favor of something that had more "blood & guts."

7. in amityville, ny, a 23-year old man killed his parents & four brothers/sisters. then they made a movie about it...sort of.

yeah 1974!

#74 - 1974.
snack: kraft macaroni & cheese crackers
drink: yoo-hoo chocolate drink

growing up, the siblings & i ate an impressive amount of macaroni & cheese. butter, milk, powdered cheese, some shells, a little mixing & boiling...& BAM! lunch/dinner is served. as such, when i spied a bag of kraft macaroni & cheese crackers at the corner bodega the other day, i didn't think twice about picking one up.

today, i'm finally getting around to trying them out. they're shaped like lil partly-flattened mac & cheese tubes & taste like a slightly cheesier version of cheez-its. not once whilst eating them did i remark "mine soul declareth these snack crackers an unmistakable facsimile of mine childhood dinners." basically, kraft is banking on the fact that the brand familiarity of their macaroni & cheese (didn't they change it to "cheese & macaroni?") allows them to make a product that bears resemblance in the main ingredient & a skew resemblance in shape, package them up, slap their brand on them & call it a day...tasty enough though.

since i'm going the processed route today, i'm having a yoo-hoo chocolate drink along with the crackers. back in 74, yoo hoo was already some fifty years old & as such, for most of my life, i've thought of it as a beverage from a bygone era, some weird, water-heavy, seven vitamin & mineral-enriched non-beverage manufactured to taste like chocolate...snake oil at best. why not just drink some chocolate milk instead?

that aside, i decided to give it another shot & i'm happy to report that it tastes much better than i remember. it still doesn't hold a candle to a tall, cool glass of chocolate milk, but it was actually pretty good. in fact, it was so good that i heeded the advice on the front of the label, which urged me to "shake it!" & have been holding a one-man dance party in my apartment ever since opening the bottle. of course, since i was born in 74, the dance party is entirely disco-based...not really. shawn don't dance.

nosh nook #5 - friday, march 20, 2009

'grocer' offers late-night snacks (link)
03.19.09 - daily pennsylvanian - by travis winkler

u. penn students have always had it pretty sweet. back in 04, they were the recipients of the first cereality cafe, a cereal restaurant chain. it's since closed, but there are several other locations across the country. as of a few months ago, they now have "the lazy grocer," the online brainchild of two u. penn students, offering late night snack delivery to lazy members of the u. penn campus.

according to travis winkler, in his article for the u. penn newspaper, the business students originally developed the service for a class. then they decided to actually make it a reality & rolled out the service last november. so far the top selling item is dunkaroos. according to one of the founders, "it's probably the top selling food because it's the best snack you haven't had since elementary school." wow. has it been that long? man, i need to get me some dunkaroos prawn-toe.

the article goes on to say that the founders hope to extend the service to other penn colleges and eventually create "penn smokes," a delivery service for "cigarettes, cigars, tobacco and hookah supplies." it sounds like a good idea in theory, but i assume there are already a few people on campus who sell late-night "hookah supplies," if you know what i mean...& they might be a little peeved about you muscling in on their territory...& they're not stupid enough to advertise it on the internet. anyway, good luck & godspeed, boys.