nosh nook #191 - monday, december 7, 2009

coming to a theater near you: the snack police (link)
12.7.09 - smartmoney - by kelli b grant

i have to be honest with you. pretty much every time i go to the movies, i'm at least sneaking in a soda. like most rational human beings, it kills me to pay $4.00 for a friggin fountain soda. it's just insane. are we living in japan or something? i mean, i get it. theaters make a huge portion of their money off of concession sales, so they need to keep that revenue stream pumping. unfortunately, we're living in a crap economy & money's down all around for theaters, concessions included. as a result, theaters are starting to crack down on people cutting into their precious concession revenue by bringing stuff in with them. just last week, the second biggest theater chain, amc theaters, announced that they're ending their policy of letting people bring snacks into the theater. they figure it's time for us cheapskates to start ponying up at the concession stands.

since the movie theaters are trying to milk us for all we're worth at concessions, smart money has a few tips to help us save money elsewhere when we're venturing out to the cineplex during these tough economic times. basically, their tips add up to a bunch of ways to take advantage of discounts. for starters, lots of theaters have loyalty clubs that "offer gratis and reduced-price snacks" at those lame times when nobody goes to the movies, which works out swimmingly because you're also trying to save money by going to a tuesday matinee. luckily, you & your three closest friends are unemployed, so you can easily work it into your schedule. even if you're still employed, you can buy packs of vouchers that offer discount prices on concessions.

their best suggestion is to "pick your movies carefully." i couldn't agree with this point more. there is no reason that you need to rush out & see madea goes to jail in the theater. trust me, you can wait until it comes out on dvd. if you're going to see crap, at least go see something like transformers, something that requires a big screen to really appreciate all the extraneous explosions. it's pretty self-explanatory. stop seeing so many crappy films & you'll save money.

as a service to my readers, i'm going to offer up a movie savings tip of my own: just keep sneaking snacks in. laws are meant to be broken, people. it's not like a theater's going to pat you down on the way in, so you can easily smuggle in a candy bar & a couple of nips no problem. it's no $10 jumbo popcorn/soda combo, but you don't need that crap anyway. from what i hear, that combo has as many calories as a small baby. nobody should eat an entire baby during a summer blockbuster. it's just not healthy.

nosh nook #190 - saturday, december 5, 2009

crisp lover changes name to mr monster munch (link)
12.3.09 - the telegraph

i lived a fairly tame high school existence. unlike a lot of folks, during my four years of high school, i never once drank & none of my friends did either. instead, we amused ourselves with such hilarity as "eat weird shit night," where we'd hang out at a friend's house & over the course of the evening, see who could consume the craziest items in exchange for money, from tobasco sauce & flowers to sticks of butter & cupfuls of sauces & juices. it was essentially the non-drinker's equivalent of seeing who could drink the most beers. it was all part of that distinctly male desire to prove yourself & surprise your friends by accepting their dares & pushing the limits of typical behavior. dudes love challenging each other. i mean, it was no male boob job or tucker max experience, but it was fun.

in the uk, one guy recently used his obsession with snacks to amaze his mates. according to the telegraph, in a feat of extraordinary daredom, a 26-year old plumber who used to be named chris hunt changed his name to "monster munch" in honor of the walkers-produced crisps. apparently he eats them non-stop throughout the day, even devising "recipes to include monster munch in rice and pasta dishes." since he's so obsessed, his friends dared him to change his name & to their surprise he totally went through with it. now he "demand(s) to be called either 'monster' or 'mr munch'.'' hilarious! best. name. ever.

since he's constantly eating crisps, you'd think that mr munch, who "starts the day with packet of pickled onion monster munch, has a roast beef monster munch sandwich for lunch and a flamin' hot flavour bag for dinner" would be all out-of-shape & whatnot, but he's not. monster told the telegraph "i make sure i eat a balanced diet and i run 35 miles a week and train in the gym three times a week." that's probably a good idea, since being named "monster munch" isn't as cool when it refers to your weight. the whole thing's actually a bit inspiring. i've wanted to change my name to "phil r upp" for some time now. maybe now i can work up the courage to actually make that happen & impress my friends.

nosh nook #189 - thursday, december 3, 2009

one of america's most POPular snacks is a corny holiday treat (link)
12.2.09 - nj.com - by carly romalino

hey, have you guys/dolls ever heard of this snack called POPcorn? it's CAH-RAY-ZEE! what it is is corn kernels that have been removed from the cob, dried out & heated up until they've POPped! apparently you just take a bunch of corn kernels, toss them in a microwave or a pot or something & heat them on up. after a while, because of science the kernels POP & puff on up & the next thing you know, BAM! you've got yourself a bowl full of snack, slugger! you can even toss some flavoring on it if that's the way you swing. i know! it's absolutely mind-blowing that i'm just learning about the stuff.

when i first read about POPcorn yesterday in an article on nj.com, i was like "how have i never heard of this POP-corn? i need to start living more." then i got on the internet to blog about it. the article, by carly romalino of the gloucester city times, is TOTALLY informative, thanks to the fact that she was able to get a bunch of facts from "wendy rappel, of the non-profit popcorn board funded by u.s. popcorn processors." it's no national corn grower's association, but it's something. since rappel's with the popcorn board, you have to assume that she knows what she's talking about & everything she says is 100% true.

for instance, i learned that POPcorn is "america's favorite movie snack." until i read this article, i thought that it was quail. i also discovered that even though it's a snack, it's "surprisingly nutritious." that's the kind of surprise i like & my rock-hard abs do too! until i read this article, i thought that a tub of buttered movie POPcorn was "the nutritional equivalent of three quarter pounders topped with 12 pats of butter." education! i also learned that corn is called "maize." the indians native americans called it that. fact! the article's not just here to teach us about POPcorn though. it's also here to teach us about what we can do with it this holiday season, despite the fact that "it might seem really tough to expand upon the way that popcorn is prepared." luckily, wendy rappel & the POPcorn board are experts on POPcorn & they're full of good ideas.

since X-mas is right around the corner, it's all about finding ways to fuse your POPcorn into something festive, like a snowman or a wreath. all's you have to do is choose & prepare "what rappel called the 'liquid portion' of the recipe--or the marshmallow, chocolate, or corn syrup" & when you're done doing that, you mix it with the POPcorn & you've got yourself a bunch of sweet-ass sweetened POPcorn. from there, shape it into whatever you want. the POPcorn board suggests making their "holiday popcorn snowman," but POPcorn is "very flexible," so you don't even have to worry about being creative. you can just mold it into balls. it's up to you. it's your POPcorn. do with it what you wish...& enjoy. i know i'm going to enjoy mine. i mean, now that i know about it, i am SO going to buy some POPcorn this holiday season. thanks nj.com!

nosh nook #188 - wednesday, december 2, 2009

montreal's bagels square off against new york's (link)
12.1.09 - the ny times - by jennifer 8 lee

the summer after my freshman year of college, i met a few friends up in burlington, VT & we headed up to montreal for an evening of drunken, strip club hoppin' good times. just after we crossed the border into canada, we picked up a bunch of molson xxx & quickly thereafter got to consuming it in all its enhanced alcohol content glory. oh canada! better alcohol content! better drinking age! after a series of follies, we somehow eventually made it to club super sexe & although i've only been to one other strip club in my life & that one was stateside, i can clearly say...oh canada! better strippers! better lap dances! we already know they have a better health care system, so i won't even get into that.

so wait? does their bagel capital (montreal) also have better bagels than our bagel capital (nyc)? there's no way. our bagels rule. jennifer 8 lee (who is quickly becoming one of my favorite times writers) & the ny times city room had heard rumors that montreal had legendarily delectable & different bagels, so they decided to find out for themselves. as lee explains, "montreal, which saw an influx of jewish immigrants both before and after world war II, had become one of the main world centers of distinctive jewish cuisine." that, of course, means good bagels. with that in mind, city room took a trip up to a bagel joint way up in montreal--st-viateur's bagels. it seems like a bit of a hike for a bagel, but i guess we are talking the ny times here. they still have lots of money to throw around, right?

the first thing that lee & city room learned was that "montreal bagel makers had no problem trash-talking new york bagels, which they found to be too gargantuan and too salty. they even talked to one of st-viateur's employees & he asked "why do they even call it a bagel? it's like having bread." oh snap! he says that because their bagels are skinnier & have a more pronounced hole. as for the taste, they're "hand-rolled and baked in wood-burning ovens," so they have a "crisp and smoky crust." they're also made with malt flour & "are boiled in water with honey," so they're sweeter on the inside. there's no salt either, which is just crazy talk.

city room brought some of the bagels back for their times co-workers & the overall consensus was that "the new york bagel clearly won out among those who had an opinion to offer," as the montreal ones were "like new york pretzels without salt," "completely flavorless" and "dense, a little tough, and totally bland." they don't sound all that bad, but since i'm not heading up to montreal any time soon, for now, i'm going to have to take their word for it. that's okay with me though. the bagels we've got down here in nyc will do me just fine for now.

nosh nook #187 - tuesday, december 1, 2009

IHOP celebrates the magic of the season with new holiday hotcakes (link)
11.30.09 - cnn money - via press release

it's december, people! you know what that means? that's right! it's that time of year again, the month or so where corporations & retailers all around the world band together & beat you over the head with holiday spirit until you start bleeding from your eyes, ears & wallet! are you ready? are you ready for holiday-themed foods & songs & promos & TV specials & fa la la la la la la la la? get excited, people! you'd better get excited or else jesus santa will be totally disappointed in you & won't bring you any everlasting life presents & you'll burn in hell cry like a baby. seriously...nobody wants that. especially the corporations & retailers. they have end-of-year numbers to hit & if they don't, news sources will ramble on about it for WEEKS...or at least until the next major celebrity screw up surfaces.

IHOP's on board with the holidays. yesterday, cnn money picked up a press release issued by IHOP that announces the addition of "mouth-watering new holiday hotcakes" to their menu for a limited time (until jan 3rd). IHOP seems to use the adjective "mouth-watering" a little excessively, but these mofoin' holiday hotcakes sound friggin de-lish, so i'm going to let it slide. they come in four flavors which for some reason they used the word "pancakes" instead of the word "hotcakes" in the names of. we're talking gingerbread pancakes, eggnog pancakes, pecan pie pancakes & pumpkin pancakes. pumpkin pancakes?!!! i love pumpkin. they start at $4.99, a perfect price point for my cheap ass. to be honest, i didn't even know there was an IHOP in brooklyn, but there are apparently two--one downtown near the fulton mall & another way the hell out in bergen beach. both of those locations scare me though, so i'll probably wait til i make it home to NH for the holidays before trying them...less chance of getting stabbed, ya know?

the hotcakes are all part of a holiday promo that also includes the "sammy and marcus off the mantel tour 2009," a contest that has two nutcrackers--a clever irishman & a witty new yorker--as its spokesmen. according to the press release, we'll enjoy their playful banter. i visited their youtube page & i'll say that they're like a less-exciting, less-funny, less-grumpy version of staler & waldorf. enjoyable? meh. anyway, the jist of the contest is that you visit the "off the mantel tour 2009" website, print out pictures of sammy & marcus, and photograph them doing the most "creative, unique and entertaining" holiday-themed things you can think of in the coolest locations you can think of. then you submit those photos to the site & every week until the end of the year, IHOP picks the ten best ones & gives out $50 gift cards for each.

i am so going to get one of those gift cards. i already have the BEST IDEA EVER. now i just need to get into the knicks locker room after they get destroyed by the heat on christmas day. if MSG's security is anything like the knicks' defense, that shouldn't be a problem. JK! i'm not going to sneak into the knicks locker room. i'm going to take a festive picture of them with my penis. there's no way IHOP could reject that, right? i mean, they might as well just mail me the gift card now.