nosh nook #201 - monday, december 21, 2009

theater chain puts a luxe twist on dinner and a movie (link)
12.21.09 - l.a. times - by richard verrier & jessica gelt

i've never visited l.a., but over the years i've definitely formed an opinion about the city from 3,000 miles away. basically, l.a. is a sprawling, autocentric megalopolis filled with bumper-to-bumper traffic, hollywood celebrities, gangsta gangstas, boob jobs/porn stars, a huge spanish-speaking population, corrupt cops, zen spirituality & the dodgers. it's a classy blend of excitement filling almost 500 square miles of southern california. that's A LOT of classiness. i mean, head down to skid row some time. i hear that area literally REEKS of luxury.

since l.a.'s a city that's largely driven by hollywood, much of its luxuriousness revolves around films. for instance, there's the moviegoing experience. the l.a. times reports that "australian theater operator village roadshow ltd" recently opened their first gold class cinemas "luxury movie theater" in pasadena & ooh la la is it luxurious(ish). thus far, they've opened three locations in the us.--two in the chicago suburbs & one in redmond, wa--& they have "plans to open as many as 30 luxury theaters nationwide over the next five years."

here's what it's like. once you've plopped down $29 for your ticket, you're ushered into a pre-film lounge by a concierge & when the movie's ready to start, you're seated in a 24-40 seat theater with "giant suede recliners, each with an oval table and glowing buttons that summon a server to take an order for a chilled martini, a plate of charcuterie or a chicken piccata sandwich." whilst watching the film, you can get items like "a $49 bottle of schramsberg wine," "a $14 plate of fried calamari" or "a $19 new york strip steak sandwich." that's tasty, tasty luxury, folks.

the times notes that luxury theaters that serve food & drink are nothing new. alamo drafthouse (in austin), mega-chain AMC entertainment, arclight cinemas (hollywood & sherman oaks), the bridge cinema de lux (near LAX) & muvico theaters (thousand oaks) already "offer many of the same amenities." i'm not sure if luxury theaters are exactly what he had in mind, but i had a college professor who felt that if we raised the price of movie tickets to make them comparable to a sporting event, play, or concert, people would have a greater respect for films & be more careful in choosing which ones they saw. i think it'd just make people go to the movies less, since movies are already a ridiculously expensive experience, but the opportunity to consume beef & get drunk whilst watching sherlock holmes does offer some appeal. too bad none of that appeal will likely come from the film.

nosh nook #200 - friday, december 18, 2009

snack bar sells gold-covered schnitzel for €150 (link)
12.17.09 - the local

hey schnitzel truck! yeah, i'm talking to you. i've never eaten your schnitzel, but i've been hearing a lot about you ever since you started dispensing schnitzel to the good people of nyc back in july. from what i note from your twitter feed, you camp out in dumbo on fridays. too bad i don't work there any more & you don't tend to be all that close to where i work these days or i'd have checked you out by now. i like cutlets. i like the kraut & the brat. schwarzenegger & hitler have sort of turned me off from austrians, but from what i've read, you're much cooler than those two, since you're all about the yummy, truck-dispensed food & not about the misguided governance or psycho nationalization. people tend to like you.

still, you probably need to step up your game unless you want to be shown up by the germans. the local, a german newspaper, reports that the berger straße restaurant in düsseldorf sells the "golden kaiser schnitzel," "a veal filet coated with gold leaf and truffles." unnecessary gold adornment! just like goldschlager! totally classy. other than its german origins, it's the sort of golden dish that glenn beck [PUNCH] could get behind, maybe even film a set of sincere commercials for whilst wearing his pathetic christmas sweater. that's where our future is, my fellow americans. it lies in the four G's: god, gold, guns & gilded schnitzel.

...so the schnitzel goes for €150 & is "swathed in 24-carat gold," but what makes it so expensive is the truffles. truffle prices are no joke, son. the ones used in the golden kaiser go for €5,000 per kilo. that's over seven G's! it's like you can buy a kilo of truffles or feed ten guatemalan families for a year. you couldn't pay a-rod to take one swing or field a ground ball though. despite its outlandish decadence, since adding the dish to the menu three years ago, they've sold about 100 of them. now they're starting to promote the gold-covered schnitzel, so hopefully it'll take off. i'd suggest going international, taking out an ad in time out abu dahbi. i hear those abu-dahbi fat cats love eating gold.

nosh nook #199 - thursday, december 17, 2009

mixing meaty cocktails with a shot of celebrity (link)
12.16.09 - the ny times - by douglas quenqua

i've been claiming that i'm 80% vegetarian for some time now, given that i eat meat once maybe twice a week. usually that meat's chicken or fish, but every so often i break down & beef it up with a burger or steak tacos or something. i'd like to eventually cut out meat all together, but i'm a "baby steps" sort of gent & i've just managed to root out caffeine, so meat's a little bit down the road. it's a hard habit to break. i feel like i'm good at eating meat in moderation, so i'm not worried about the health effects. as long as i'm getting my meat from a clean, non-gargantuan non-slaughterhouse environment (which i often don't), my only argument against eating meat is the whole respect of other species thing. one day i'll move on from meat, but until that day, we cool.

but...if i was looking for a good reason to swear off meat forever, the ny times has alerted me to one today--cocktails made with meat. meaty cocktails have been getting a bit of buzz recently after allie ward & georgia hardstark, "a pair of winsome drinking buddies from los angeles" created the mcnuggetini, a mcdonald's-inspired drink that's "part chocolate shake, part chicken mcnugget" (in a bbq sauce-rimmed glass). they posted a video of how to make it on youtube & after doing so, the duo totally went viral. at the moment, the video "has been viewed nearly 70,000 times on youtube." it's no david after dentist, but it's pretty good for two women with a video about how to make a cocktail that has meat as a main ingredient.

the times speaks to what the appeal is. "one commenter on youtube summed up their appeal: 'well-dressed cute girls mixing god-awful drinks? i can’t stop watching.'" they're both definitely cute & have good presence, so when you combine that with the strangeness of making a drink that, in ms hardstark's words, "tastes like a white russian, but with meat," you've got a recipe for success. since the mcnuggetini clip hit the web, they've followed up with clips for a ham daiquiri & a bloody bacon and cheese. those two haven't been as big of a hit, but from here, they're hoping they can work their recent buzz into bigger things. ms ward put it this way in an email to the times--"denise richards is probably a millionaire, and lorenzo llamas’s children have their own TV deal, so my hosting a cooking or travel show really isn’t as mythical a notion as, say, unicorns or the kraken." oh, the kraken. it may not be as mythical as those two things, but those two probably taste far less disgusting.

nosh nook #198 - wednesday, december 16, 2009

silkworms meghalaya’s snack of the season (link)
12.16.09 - the times of india - by manosh das

one of my early childhood memories is of my mother singing the song "nobody likes me (guess i'll go eat worms)" with me for what reasons i'm not remembering at this moment. we were all "nobody likes me, everybody hates me, i think i'll go eat worms! big fat juicy ones, eensie weensy squeensy ones, see how they wiggle and squirm!" now that i'm adult & actually thinking about the lyrics more than i am about singing a duet with my mother, that shit's depressing. nobody likes you? that sucks...is eating big, fat, juicy worms really necessary? i mean, really? worms? do you really think that's the solution? i mean, who are you? olivia dunham?

i guess i shouldn't hate that bad on worm munching. according to the times of india, folks in meghalaya (an area in eastern india) love snacking on worms & silkworms in particular. [CUE PUKE NOISE]. there's probably going to be a shortage of smooth, shiny valentines day boxers come next year because they're eating the source of those boxers, but they don't care. the folks in that region of india go nuts for silkworms, or as the times describes them--"shiny, yellow and green, wriggly nuggets." they're so popular that in some areas of the region, one kg of silkworms goes for 100-160 rupees. none of those units of measurement calculate to anything i've learned in school, so i can't tell you how much that is, but i'm pretty sure that you could get something tastier & non-worm related for that price.

maybe you're intrigued by the idea of eating silkworms & want to make some of your own at home. maybe your silkworm colony has already produced enough kimonos for you & you're ready to move on. if that's the case, what you're going to want to do is take those silkworms & deep fry or boil them with some salt. once you've cooked them to a point where you think it's acceptable to eat a thick worm capable of producing sexy panties, you, according to a silkworm "connoisseur," dig in & "forget that you’re actually eating caterpillars to enjoy the yummy stuff." good luck with that. i've eaten snails & frogs & unless i survive a plane crash on an island & i need to eat worms to survive, win a million dollars & get a recording contract, that's as far as i'm going.

nosh nook #197 - tuesday, december 15, 2009

orville redenbacher's line of legendary snacks now includes popular popcorn treat (link)
12.15.09 - the times of northwest indiana - by philip potempa

you think you know everything there is to know about snacks? sir and/or madam, that's just poppycock. you can't know everything there is to know about snacks. i mean, i'm like a snack expert & stuff & i just now discovered that in addition to being an awesomely snooty, old-timey word, "poppycock" is also a type of candied popcorn & nut snack that's been around for a few decades now & is akin to crunch & munch or cracker jack. if you believe wikipedia & the merriam-webster dictionary, the word "poppycock" is is an anglicized version of the dutch word "pappekak," which means "soft dung" or "diarrhea." mmm. poppycock.

philip potempa of the times of northwest indiana grew up eating poppycock. he & his family used to watch friday night "creature features" on chicago's wgn-channel 9 & he & his family would snack on popcorn-based products--cracker jack, jiffy pop, fiddle faddle & poppycock. since then, he hadn't thought much about poppycock until a publicist representing con agra (who now owns orville redenbacher) contacted him about poppycock's new branding. she informed him that from beyond the grave, orville redenbacher is trying to get the word out about the fact that poppycock is now being sold under his name & it's now "two great brands but still the same great product." behold! orville redenbacher's poppycock.

potempa's particularly proud of redenbacher's indiana heritage & the late bow-tied popcorn magnate holds a special place in his heart. back in 91 when potempa was at valparasio, redenbacher was "the first celebrity (he) ever interviewed." redenbacher's big in indiana. when you're talking indiana celebrities you're basically talking mj, bird, mellencamp, letterman, johnny appleseed & redenbacher. maybe will shortz. you think i should have included axl rose? that's just poppycock.

anyway, if you think you'd like to give someone you love a lil' poppycock this holiday season, orville has "festive, holiday-themed tins" ready for you to snatch up & wrap up & put under the tree or whatever ceremonial plant your religion requires you to put the presents under. just picture it. it's ambiguous holiday morning & the family's sitting around the ceremonial plant. maybe there's a small child or something at the house so that the act of opening gifts is still overwhelmingly awesome. basically, people are psyched about opening gifts. your female sibling reaches under the plant & pulls out a present from you. "oh, you shouldn't have," she says. you chuckle, possibly guffaw. she unwraps it, stares at it for a moment & holds it up for everyone to see. "it's poppycock." your grandmother laughs to herself. your grandfather passes a bit of gas. at that point, you'll know it's a successful specified winter family gathering holiday & all will be right with the world...thanks to poppycock.