foodvents #1: heinz-falutin'.

hey, so real quick...occasionally, i find myself at food events & eat a bunch of stuff & would love to give said gluttony a writeup now & again, but the tale doesn't usually fit into any of my existing columns. sayonora to that worry. the upside for you is that you get to enjoy this TOTALLY NEW, TOTALLY EXPERIMENTAL new column, where i go to food events & eat food & vent & yeah...FOODVENTS. [rim shot].

...so last week, i was kind of a high roller. i'm not really one who goes to press events & all but a kind blog buddy named amanda (read her blog yeah you're welcome or die, bitches) turned me on to a TOTALLY EXCLUSIVE heinz ketchup event going on in the city. i was all "hellz yeah. i love me some heinz ketchup." plus, eat!drink!snack! has NOT been giving ketchup its propers. three plus years & one ketchup post (about herr's ketchup chips) prior to this one? unacceptable. anyway. next thing i knew, it was an early evening on a thursday & i was knee deep in ketchup & ketchup-related items.

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nosh nook #173 - wednesday, november 11, 2009

'worst cooks In america': new reality show will try to whip them into shape (link)
11.11.09 - ny daily news - by gina salamone

there are a ton of seriously crappy cooks out there, people so unskilled that they ruin boiled water. on the same note, there are just as many crappy cooking shows on TV. i'm looking in your direction, hell's kitchen. do people actually enjoy watching an arrogant ass yell at people over & over again? most of the good stuff out there's on the food network. they're coming up on the sixteenth anniversary of their initial launch & over the last sixteen years, they've basically built the template for food-related TV programming with stuff like emeril live & iron chef america. since the next food network star has been such a big hit for them & top chef has worked out pretty well for bravo, they're going back to the well for another reality chef show.

the ny daily news reports that on january 3rd, the food network will launch worst cooks in america, a primetime show that will "aim to transform kitchen disasters into skilled chefs." it's yet another reality cooking show, but this time, it's with a completely new angle. the cooks can't cook! time to put them in a cooky situation! how about a "culinary boot camp" led by two special chefs? isn't that CAH-RAY-ZEE? the contestants are likely the kind of people that gordon ramsey would make fun of to their face in the meanest possible way. i'm hoping that the two hosts--a woman from nyc & a dude from arizona--won't do so much yelling. yelling is so FOX.

in closing, here are the ten things that i'm hoping the show does have:
#1 - life-saving fire extinguisher use
#2 - a sushi making competition
#3 - people crying about things like "my cake went flat" & "i never thought that a crazy food network boot camp would be so hard. they beat me with a spatula."
#4 - a bow-hunting/assault rifle deer hunt challenge
#5 - one two catfights
#6 - two one touching backstory
#7 - bundt/strudel
#8 - copious "boing" & "sad trumpet" sounds added in post
#9 - a guest appearance by ellen
#10 - an unapologetically gay guy, a sassy black woman, a stuck-up white chick & a cute but jerky frat boy