#96 - badly breaking.

back in march, as part of tv month, i sat down to take in the season two premiere of amc's breaking bad, starring bryan cranston as walt, a chemistry teacher turned meth dealer via the discovery of lung cancer. after an amazing season one, it had firmly cemented itself as a show which, if not my favorite show, was definitely in my top five. this past sunday night, after twelve episodes filled with insanity & surprises & continued exploration into walt's psyche, they finally brought season two to a close.

i'd been looking forward to the season finale for a while. they opened the season with a vague scene in walt's backyard, with shots of a charred pink teddy bear floating in the pool & sirens in the background. with each episode, they've revealed more & more about this vague scene & every week since, i've been striking up conversations about the show with friends & co-workers, none of who actually follow the show. i've chatted up my roommate about it. he watched the entire first season with me, so he at least had a frame of reference, but hadn't seen very much of the second season. on one hand, these conversations were me being a nerdy fan boy trying to spread the love, but on the other hand, it was me working out what i'd seen, as i tried to fit it into the larger story of a man who gets cancer, the actions he takes because of it & the impact they have on those around him.

as we entered the final episode, all the craziness of the meth-dealing & cooking has seemed to subside & walt's life actually seems to be developing some semblance of stability for once. to me, it looked like they were setting up a card house of calm (wasn't this a peter gabriel album title?) that they could then brilliantly knock down in the last episode, as they revealed what's up with that vague first scene of the season.

i'm assuming that a lot of people haven't seen this show & i'm hoping that everyone in the world eventually will, so i won't divulge what we now know (or don't know) about the mystery scene. i will say that this though: by the time the final credits came on screen, i was experiencing some serious tv blue balls. it wasn't as anticlimactic as the sopranos' series finale, but it definitely left me feeling empty. i've since thought about it more & have started to come to terms with it, establishing that based on what we now know about the mystery scene, walt's actions are--both directly & indirectly--having much wider-sweeping consequences than he can even fathom.

i can live with that, but for now, the show's on break. sigh. there's already a third season in the works, but that's not happening until next year, when we'll already be a few months into the time that i've already started referring to as the "post-35th birthday" era. double sigh. luckily, season five of weeds starts up next monday, so i can continue to get my weekly fix of average american family folk fumbling their way through the drug trade, while i supplement that with a weekly dose of mary-louise parker (mmm). on a related note, ms. parker turns 45 in august, giving hope to the idea that there's hotness post age 35.

#96 - badly breaking.
snack: 7 select scorchin' hot crunchy curls
drink: harpoon leviathan big bohemian pilsner



as i took in the finale, i dug into a bag of 7 select scorchin' hot crunchy curls, which i'd purchased a few days earlier at my local port authority area 7-11. they're only $1.99 for an 8.5 oz bag, which compared to many bags of chips, is a helluva deal. the bag even feels heavier. i guess that's gravity for ya. since i was busy watching the show, i didn't stop long enough to notice if there were any jesus-shaped cheese curls in the bag, but i did come across a few shaped like penises. they're pretty damn good for something made by 7-11 and as such, i found myself popping them into my mouth one after another...but not without serious consequences. these mofos are without a doubt WICKED SCORCHIN' HOT.

other than listing "spice extract" in the ingredients, the bag doesn't really go into how they make them so damn hot. the flavor & aftertaste both reminded me of buffalo sauce, but that could have just been a result of color & mouth-burn association. the crunch was so satisfyingly burning that i couldn't stop the rapid consumption. i mean, i wasn't sweating or anything, but at one point i seriously considered fixing myself a bowl of blue cheese to dip them in.

instead, i decided to try putting out the cheese curl fire with a beer--a harpoon leviathan big bohemian pilsner. it's part of their limited edition "leviathan" series, a line of beers designed to offer harpoon drinkers a greater flavor experience, something that is greatly needed when it comes to harpoon. today, i was chatting with a co-worker who'd visited the harpoon brewery up in boston this past weekend & eventually, our conversation led to "actually, harpoon's not really that great of a beer." for me, harpoon has always been a respectable beer (along with sam adams) that i drank a ton of when i was in college in boston, just discovering microbrews. beyond that, i don't usually search it out, really only drinking it if it's the best choice available.

the leviathan series is a different story. although it's a pilsner, which is typically extremely light on flavor, the big bohemian pilsner has a nice, rich hoppy flavor to it. as far as counteracting the effects of the cheese curls goes, it didn't help very much, but it was still enjoyable.  unlike with a harpoon i.p.a., the big bohemian is the sort of beer i'd actually choose over others.  that's something i haven't been able to say about a harpoon since back when i was college...over ten years ago.  sigh.

#92 - leery of denis.

it's no secret that this past year, i've been doing my share of tv watching & have declared my undying love for a number of fx series--damages, it's always sunny..., sons of anarchy, the shield--but until recently, i've held out on rescue me. i have a love/hate relationship with denis leary. back in college, i chose to read no cure for cancer as part of my american humor class. it's pretty funny, but the shtick bores me & sometimes annoys me. i decided to give the show a shot regardless. i took in the first season over the last few weeks, but yesterday, i barreled through the second season & um, HOLY CRAP.  the shtick doesn't bother me at all.             

i really like it. the show focuses on a firehouse in manhattan just after 9/11. peeps are having all sorts of issues exacerbated by the 9/11 baggage. leary's character is in a marriage that's fallen apart & he starts getting it on with his cousin's widow (via 9/11). the other members of the crew include a guy who starts writing poetry, a guy who falls for the only female member of the crew, the chief, whose son is a gay firefighter in boston & whose wife is suffering from alzheimers, a guy who falls for a "fat chick" (a girl who i definitely saw in my hood this weekend) & a guy who perpetuallly wanders through hookups. there are a number of other stories going on at all times, told through reality, religion, ghosts, hallucinations & dreams. it has a manly feel, but gets into the feelings of men.  for those interested in men, um, hot firefighters talking about their feelings.

my dad's father was a fire chief in chelsea, mass, just north of boston & logan. he definitely saw people die in the line of duty & his loyalty to the people he worked with is evident in the stories he tells. i've gone down the white collar tract, but there isn't a month that passes where i don't wonder what it'd be like to know a trade--welding, firefighting, anything in construction--instead of spending my weekly 10-6 in an office. to be honest, i didn't really consider my grandfather' profession until i started watching the show, but damn...the shit these characters on a tv show deal with, i'd be a mess.

luckily, i have two and a half more seasons to keep me busy, because i'm hooked. it's funny & smart & stupid and when it tiptoes into sentimentality, it's usually in a good way. my mom's mom died after a bout with alzheimer's, so by the end of the eighth episode of the second season, at the end of a bbq for his son's boyfriend, when the chief is accepting of the circumstances & dancing with his wife and his son & boyfriend are dancing beside them & all the crazy shit that alzheimers thrusts upon families is set aside for the moment, i totally broke down. oh the crumbling human body & oh to grow old with someone.

#92 - leery of denis.
snack: madhouse munchies fire sweet mesquite bbq chips
drink: anchor steam summer beer


how friggin coincidentally perfect that the only snack left in my cupboard saturday night was a bag of madhouse munchies fire sweet mesquite bbq chips. it's got "fire" & "madhouse" in the name, so that's rescue me in a nutshell. i'm usually skeptical of anything mesquite, but these had an appealing sweetness to them & were actually pretty good. they're kettle cooked, which seems to be the way to go these days.  it gives the chips ten times the crunch of a lame lays potato chip.

a bonus: these chips aren't all greasy & smeared with flavor like some other kettle chips.  this is slightly weird to me, given that they're made in colchester, vt & most of the people i know from that area are wicked greasy & smeared with flavor.  jk vermont!  lol!  one thing i do know about colchester...winooski broke away from it back in 1922.  those crazy secessionist winooskians.  go spartans!

as for tonight's beverage, the anchor steam summer beer, it's not as firefighting related as i'd have hoped for, but it's out of san fran, a city which, given the attention that the show pays to male identity & the way it deals with homosexuality, it seems perfect anyhow.  it's a wheat beer that has a light, summery taste & a smidgen of flavor to it.  i could definitely drink a few of these on a hot summer day...perfect for both the gay & non-gay beer drinker.

luckily, it's almost summer & it's going to get so hot out here in the nyc any day now that things will start bursting into flames right on the streets...& firefighters will be there.  down in lower manhattan, at ground zero, there will still be a hole in the ground, but you will be able to get a t-shirt that shows you what used to be there.  you can probably get a bootleg FDNY cap there too.  final destination of proceeds is unknown.

#72 - sexy sexed up brits.

by far, my favorite british tv show is monty python's flying circus. my current sense of humor owes a lot to repeated monty python viewings as a teenager. beyond that, my knowledge of british television doesn't really extend beyond dr who, benny hill & the millions of british shows that have been remade here in the u.s.

over in the u.k., their tv programs don't have "seasons." instead, they have "series," which is wicked classy...& the programs are actually "programmes." the comedy two pints of lager & a packet of crisps, which airs on bbc three, just started its eighth series last week. i hadn't seen anything from the first seven series, but since eight series is a lot for a british show, the other night, i went ahead & checked out the series eight premiere.

though it was funny enough, i had a hard time figuring out what was going on, partially due to the lack of knowledge behind the first seven series, but mostly because the series eight premiere also features members of two other british comedies that i've also never seen--coming of age & grownups.

i got that there are now four main characters--gaz, janet, donna & louise. i got that everyone is totally sexed up & full of whitty double-entendres. also, i got that there's a closeted but super gay bar owner named tim at the bar they always hang at. he rules.

but still, i was confused...so i went back tonight & watched series seven. the first episode was broadcast live & in it, the fifth main character from the first six series, jonny (janet's husband), is away in hawaii, as he won a competition & is going shark-jumping. by the end of the episode, janet learns that jonny has been eaten by a shark.

throughout the season's eight episodes, louise gets preggers and donna & gaz get married. by the final episode, donna & gaz have broken it off, janet & gaz have fallen in love & louise has given birth to a girl. through it all, there's all sorts of sexy fun talk, all in sexy british accents...not bad overall.

#72 - sexy sexed up brits.
snack: walker's worcester sauce potato crisps / walker's thai sweet chilli crisps
drink: yuengling lager / stella artois

when i first watched the series eight premiere, i settled down with an american-made yuengling lager & a packet of walker's worcester sauce potato crisps. when i went back to watch series seven today, i treated myself to a stella artois & a packet of walker's thai sweet chilli crisps.

walker's is a u.k. snack food manufacturer that was founded back in the 1880s, but is now owned by frito-lay (pepsico), which explains the logo's similarity to that of lay's potato chips. since the front of the package says "it's back!" i guess that the worcester sauce flavour went away for a while.

at first, i wasn't sure if these would taste like the streets of that lovely city in central massachusetts, but in the end, i liked the flavour. it had a slight, not-too-overpowering mustard & worcestershire sauce taste. still, the second bag of walker's, the thai sweet chilli flavour, was definitely the better of the two flavours. the chips were abnormally round but covered with tasty lil red & green thai spices. i downed the bag pretty quickly.

as to the lagers, both are pretty much just your run-of-the-mill beers. the first, the yuengling, is from a pennsylvania company that has been around since friggin' forever (1829). although the taste isn't anything special, i definitely prefer a yuengling to a bud or a coors light any day of the week, since it at least has some flavor & is somewhat in the same price range as those aforementioned crap beers.

the stella artois almost didn't make it into this entry. originally, i bought a can of old speckled hen ale, since it's all british & whatnot, but as it turned out, i was watching two pints... and gaz was drinking a can of stella (has anyone else ever seen one of these?). coincidentally, a friend of mine left a six-pack of stella bottles in my fridge last night, so the old speckled hen totally got bumped. c'est la vie.

anyway, in my book, beerwise, the stella's on the same page as the yuengling--cheap enough & better-tasting than a bud. also, stella has been around for a long time too...since 1926. all told, while watching two pints... i had 1.45 pints of lager & two packets of crisps, which is close enough to the show's title when you add it all up.

THAT'S IT!!! TV MONTH IS OVER BITCHEZ!!!

NEW!!! COMING TOMORROW & FOR EVERY WEEKDAY UNTIL THE END OF ETERNITY...A DAILY NEWS ITEM FROM THE WORLD OF SNACKING...SAY HELLO TO...

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#71 - the ring.

damn! double damn! south park is old! i used to be a huge fan of it, watched it all the time, even had an oversized cartman key chain hanging off my backpack at one point...then i got on with my life. i haven't watched it in forever, but this wednesday night was the lucky 13th season premiere, so i decided to check back on thursday night & see what's going on in the world of south park, co.

this week's episode begins with the boys in the lunch room, staring at kenny (not dead) sitting with his new fifth-grade girlfriend, tammy, the only girl in school poorer than him. the rumor is that she gave some boy a bj in the t.g.i.fridays parking lot. when the boys break it to kenny, he cheers & runs down the hallway to confront tammy. she confesses that the rumor is true, but only happened because she saw the jonas brothers (jo bros) on the disney channel & got all tingly...cut to kenny buying two tickets to the upcoming jo bros concert at denver's pepsi center.

the boys are disgusted at kenny's plan. cartman warns him that, "statistically speaking, the most bacteria-ridden place on the planet is the mouth of an american woman." so true. kenny & tammy go to the jo bros concert & there are tons of little girls freaking out to lyrics like "i'm ready to get it on, but there's no getting it on til i'm ready." after the show, tammy gets asked backstage with a group of girls & security gives kenny the boot. the end result...the jo bros get the girls (& kenny, by default) to wear purity rings ("the hip new way to roll").

it's a trying time for kenny & the guys see how lame he's becoming as he starts hanging out with other purity ring couples. he even starts watching greys anatomy.

at the same time, the jo bros are getting fed up with the purity rings getting in the way of their "music." after shooting a video, they storm off the set & are eventually confronted by the boss...mickey mouse.

mickey is pissed. the purity rings are important, because it's the only way disney can sell sex to little girls. when joe jonas tries to keep pushing the purity ring issue, mickey kicks him in the junk & beats him to the ground. later on, the jo bros are on "good morning denver," promoting their next show, at red rocks, where they will be "dousing girls with white foam." the boys show up & cartman interrupts the jo bros, until the boys are all shot by blowgun darts from mickey, paranoid that dreamworks & michael eisner are trying to ruin everything.

the boys wake up backstage & after mickey loses it, he accidentally announces, to the horror of the crowd, his plan for selling sex to little girls, whilst calling christians "retarded." when people disapprove, the whole promise ring scam collapses & mickey grows into a fire-breathing, float-sized giant who terrorizes the city.

in the end, kenny & tammy decide not to wear the purity rings...& kenny gets syphillis & dies for the first time since season 11, proving that sex is obviously wrong.

#71 - the ring.

snack: chocolove cherries & almonds in dark chocolate
drink: avery brewing co karma ale

since i was worried about offending south park creators trey parker & matt stone & subsequently having my junk booted or city terrorized because i didn't have a proper theme, i specifically decided to have a snack & drink both from colorado tonight. a colorado beer was easy enough to find, but i probably freaked out a few store owners as i flipped over snack package after snack package in an attempt to identify the manufacturer's home state, eventually, i found the chocolove cherries & almonds in dark chocolate bar, made by a company in boulder.

i really enjoyed the taste of the cherry chocolove bar, even though the cherry taste wasn't very prominent. the dark chocolate was tasty enough & the almonds & slight cherry tastes here & there (rather than having big cherry chunks in the bar) made for some tasty chocolate consumption. plus, their wrappers contain verses from love poems. the one i got was from i love thee, by eliza acton (a poet & cook from the 1800s):

i love thee, as i love the calm
of sweet, star-lighted hours!
i love thee, as i love the balm
of early jes'mine flowers

...what a lovely, heartfelt chocolate bar.

to keep the colorado love going, i had an avery brewing co karma ale along with my chocolate & south park viewing. it's also made by a company out of boulder. to be honest, there isn't really anything special about this ale other than its implied ability to dispense karma. i'm even skeptical of that though, since we all know that karma must be inherited through our own actions.

let's end with a quick discussion about karma. for starters, we know that the instant kind is gonna getchoo. it'll knock you right on the head. we also know that if you talk in maths or have a hitler hairdo, thom yorke will suggest that the karma police come arrest you. a little known fact...musical superjoke the black eyed peas were once a pretty good group & once believed in karma, way back in the late 90s...then they let fergie into the group, pretty much guaranteeing a lifetime of negative karma for those fools..."ain't no running from karma"...sho nuf, will.i.am.

#70 - rise & shine, america...& get naked!

on monday morning before work, i woke up early to watch the previous night's second season premiere of amc's breaking bad, which is, if not my favorite currently-running show, is definitely in my top three. i might even go as far as to say that it's better than that other, advertising-themed amc show.

the quick lowdown plotwise: bryan cranston plays walt, a former high school chemistry teacher who has been diagnosed with cancer & decides he needs to make a ton of money for his family as quick as possible, so he partners up with one of his former students & starts cooking & selling crystal meth. he totally won an emmy award for best actor in a drama for the first season.

the first season started with quite possibly the craziest pilot episode ever and after seven episodes, ended with walt & his partner, jesse pinkman, selling a bunch of blue-colored crystal meth to tuco, a loco drug dealer from juarez. after tuco tests out the meth himself, he loves it & tells them that they will bring him the same amount every week in exchange for $70K...& then he proceeds to beat one of his two associates to death with his bare hands as walt & jesse stand there in shock. then his other associate grabs the beaten associate's limp body & drags him into the truck before he & tuco drive away & the season ends.

[EEK SPOILERS!!!] the second season opened with a black & white scene of walt's backyard. after a few establishing shots of the empty yard, the camera sets on the pool & an eyeball floats onto the screen. sirens start to blare in the background as the eyeball floats through the pool & gets sucked into the drain. as the camera pans to the bottom of the pool, we see a bright pink bear floating beneath the water. as the camera follows it, we see that it is missing an eyeball & one whole side of it is charred. sirens continue to blare in the distance & screen goes to the title sequence. wha!!!???

the next scene is the last one from the first season--the drug deal with tuco. as the episode continues, we see walt try to force sex on his pregnant wife, jesse freaked out that tuco is going to kill them any day now, walt deciding they should make ricin to kill tuco before he kills them, walt's brother-in-law (a DEA agent) trying to bond with him by sending him a phone pic of a dead guy from a crime scene (& it just happens to be tuco's other associate). walt figures that they're next, tells jesse to flee town & starts to panic himself.

the episode ends with walt sitting on the edge of the bathtub & on the edge of tears while his wife takes a bubble bath. just as he is about to break down & reveal to her everything that's happening with him, jesse calls walt's cell phone & then pulls up in front of walt's house in his car. walt runs out to the car, leans on the window & asks jesse "what the hell are you doing here?" tuco pops up in the back seat with a gun in his hand & urges walt to get in. walt has no choice, so he does....& they drive away, ending the episode. it's quality television. i want it to be next week right now!

#70 - rise & shine, america...& get naked!

snack: bear naked all natural fruit & nut granola
drink: naked orange mango motion juice smoothie

i did a little snacking that monday morning with a bag of bear naked all natural fruit & nut granola. i picked the bag up about a month ago. by that, i mean that someone in my building received it as a sample, tore open the box to see what it was & left it there on the floor below our mailboxes, still inside its packaging. i picked it up off the ground & relocated it to my kitchen cupboard until this monday, when i again relocated the contents, this time to my mouth whilst watching breaking bad. on the back of the package, it urges me to "try with milk, yogurt or just bear naked." it was early in the morning & i had no milk or yogurt & totally read it wrong. turns out i could've kept my clothes on whilst eating my granola after all.

other than a fleeting love affair with mueslix back in the 90s, i've never been the biggest fan of granola-based things. occasionally, i'll buy some yogurt with one of those packets of granola on top, but other than that, nada. too dry. this bear naked fruit & nut granola, with its raisins & cranberries, isn't as dry as some granolas i've had though, but i probably should have heeded their advice & mixed it in with something liquidy.

as it was, i at least had the naked orange mango motion juice smoothie to drink along with it. on the label of this drink, it lets me know that they "understand [my] need to get naked." never in my life have my food & drink combined their efforts so skillfully in an attempt to get me to take my clothes off.

i don't usually buy these smoothie drinks since they're so damn expensive, but i went for it with this one. it's definitely tasty stuff & by the time breaking bad was over, i had some solid energy coursing through me from the granola & smoothie consumption, which just goes to prove that you don't need crystal meth to get your day going. john & carol tate of massillon, oh...i'm totally looking in your direction.