#187 - new-fangled comedy.

excuse me sir! excuse me! do you like comedy? ok, good. well, i don't have any cheap tickets to a stand-up comedy act for you, but i do have a lil' comedic recommendation for yo ass. check this out: remember how you used to go out on fridays & hang out with other humans? yeah, well...scrap that. from now until the last friday in march, you should probably stay in on fridays...strictly for comedic reasons.

here's why...

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#186 - OMG!

OMG! do you guyz know what today is?!!! OMG OMG OMG! of course you know what today is! how could you not? SHRIIIEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!! today is the seventeenth anniversary of the day when one pattie mallette squeezed the blessed beiber baby out of her vajayjay & into our universe!!! OMG JUSTIN BIEBER BDAY XVII!!! on the day he was born, slick willie clinton was in the white house & mariah carey's "without you" was the number one single. seventeen years later, the bieb's grown up to be a bonerfied canadian pop star/teen hearthrob/lesbian doppleganger. sure he's never had a number one single of his own, but he's been trying REALLY HARD to get one. i think it's because he doesn't have enough co-writers & producers. now that he's seventeen, he should demand no less than ten co-writers & ten producers on each & every one of his songs. if they don't meet his demands, he cuts his hair again.

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#185 - viva le revolution.

you know how i know what's newsworthy these days? i navigate my non-microsoft web browser (y'know, cause i'm edgy) over to cnn.com & i peruse the page to see if they've devoted a special section of their headlines to an event or a news phenomenon or whatnot. for a little while, gabrielle giffords got her own special section. then the egyptian revolution got its own special section. somewhere in between there, the tunisian revolution may have got its own special section but honestly, i wasn't paying attention at the time, so i can't confirm or deny the matter.

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#184 - please listen to my demo.

the only time i ever crashed a car was back at the end of my junior year of high school, when i took my mom's chevy corsica & drove it right off a new hampshire backroad & down into a ditch, smack dab between two thick new hampshire trees. for some reason, even though i didn't have a seatbelt on, i totally lived to see the day when i'd get to start this here awesomely irreverent snack blog. while i survived, my tape of EPMD's unfinished business was totally lost in the crash. from that point on, the frequency with which i heard their song "please listen to my demo" seriously dropped off. it told the tale of EPMD trying to break into the record business, as they shopped their demo around & around & eventually "signed on the dotted line" & got to "cruise in golden limos." success success success!

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#183 - yer as cold as ice.

can you guess which famous infamous politician turned 47 today? if you guessed the woman who's better known as "the seward's folly of politics," sarah palin, you're 100% correct! everyone's favorite batshit newscaster turned mayor turned governor turned VP candidate turned lamestream media pundit crept another year closer to death today. am i excited? you betcha! are you? you better be! go sarah! it's yo birthday! tweet nonsense like it's yo birthday! let's break out the party favors & streamers & floral arrangements & bear pelts & hear it for sarah palin!

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