#154 - lowdown dirty jokes.

over the past few months, i've been checking out all of hbo's new comedies & recently, i finally got around to watching the first seven episodes of funny or die presents, a series which is an extension of the usually-hilarious funny or die website. like the site, it's made up of comedy sketches that are played off as low-budget & often feature celebrities. since it's on hbo, the sketches on the tv show are much dirtier, with tons of hilarious swearing, nudity & violence. unfortunately, the show airs fridays at midnight, so there's little-to-no chance that i'll ever view it at its scheduled airtime. whatevs though...that's what on demand's for.

the show's structured in the vain of sctv, with the fictional FOD (funny or die) network airing oft-recurring programming. steve tom plays ed haligan, head of west coast sales & marketing, a guy who hosts the show from a studio filled with 70's era computers & machines & hot secretaries sitting at desks working on whatever hot secretaries work on. as for the FOD programming, it consists of shows like:

Click to read more ...

#153 - panda vs rabbit.

back in the spring of 04, animal planet launched a brilliant show called animal face-off where they took data from two different animals & then used science & 'puters to pit those two animals against each other in an epic, CGI battle to the death. we're talking thrilling matchups like "hippo vs bull shark" & "anaconda vs jaguar." although it was a hilariously awesome concept, it only lasted for twelve episodes before going off the air, leaving us with all sorts of unimagined possibilities for animal warfare.

today, i'm going to rekindle the spirit of animal face-off by recreating one such unimagined battle--giant panda vs rabbit! since the giant panda's way bigger, we're going to even things out a bit & pit him against fifty-or-so rabbits. i'm pretty sure they hunt in packs like that anyhow, so it makes perfect sense. let's get to the ring & take a look at our mighty mammalian competitors!

Click to read more ...

#152 - twenty-two minutes.

this weekend, before i sat down for the evening's snack & drink, i was on the phone with a friend explaining that in my next blog post, i planned on discussing things that are twenty-two minutes long. his response was "like taking a dump?" i was all like, "twenty-two minutes? it takes you that long?" personally, when it comes to doing my business, i'm in & out in five minutes tops, but i suppose that for some people, if you're sitting on the can for twenty-two minutes, that's acceptable. if you're standing at a urinal for that same amount of time, that might be a problem though. if it takes you twenty-two minutes to deftly execute your corporate strategy, that's acceptable. if it takes you twenty-two minutes to execute a prisoner by electrocution...not so deft.

Click to read more ...

#151 - seven years of bad luck.

when i awoke yesterday morning, i awoke with the overwhelming feeling that something about the day was different. was it the ides of march? nope. that happened back on the fifteenth. national chocolate covered raisins day? nope. that's not until next wednesday. what was it? as i went through my usual morning routine, stepping out of the shower & into my "i'm hung like saddam" boxers, it finally hit me...it was the seventh anniversary of us invading iraq! i'm a sucker for anniversaries & the nostalgia that comes with them, so i decided to take a look back at all the good times we've had in iraq over the last seven years.

Click to read more ...

#150 - limited appeal.

this past weekend, i decided to take advantage of my newly-acquired on demand capabilities & checked out the first four episodes of how to make it in america, hbo's newest series. the half-hour comedy-drama, which premiered back on valentine's day, is produced by most of the same dudes who produce entourage (including mark wahlberg) & it's basically a new york variation on the entourage concept. whereas with entourage you have a group of four dudes trying to make it in hollywood whilst occasionally partying their asses off, how to make it... features two dudes trying to make it in new york's fashion scene whilst occasionally partying their asses off.

as it is, the premise is sort of boring & the content's only slightly better. i have to say that after watching the first four episodes, i'm not all that impressed & if i wasn't a new yorker, i feel like i'd be even less so. like with bored to death, there's a lot of stuff going that's very nyc-specific & might not seem very interesting to folks who don't live here. here's what they've given us thus far:

Click to read more ...